


Home to You

by watcherofworlds



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternative Universe - No Arrow, Damaged People Are Damaged, F/M, Friends to Lovers, NaNoWriMo, Recovery, Relationship Developement A La Seasons One and Two, Slow Burn, implied mental health issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-01-28 18:55:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 40,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12613188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watcherofworlds/pseuds/watcherofworlds
Summary: Oliver Queen has never done what his family expected of him. He took a gap year after high school instead of going to college right away. He quit his fraternity sophomore year to join the student newspaper, switching his major from business to journalism. He became a photojournalist for a wire service instead of taking a place at Queen Consolidated.He went missing after six months instead of coming home for his sister’s twenty-first birthday.He survived five years of captivity in a war zone when everyone thought he was dead.He came home.But home didn’t have a place for him in it anymore. His parents were both dead, casualties of their own mistakes and a city they had turned against them. His sister was all grown up, the CEO of Queen Consolidated with a fiancé and a dog and a life of her own. Oliver didn’t belong in his old life, but there was nowhere else for him to go.He was a man without a home, without any way of finding one, until he stopped by the IT department of his sister’s company to get files off an old, battered memory card, and found a woman with curly blonde hair and bright, intelligent eyes chewing on a bright red pen and swearing at a computer screen.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sokovianaccords (eurogirl)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eurogirl/gifts).



> Based on [this tumblr post](https://the-shy-and-anxious-fangirl.tumblr.com/post/166608609336/for-the-fake-fic-thing-olicity-home-to-you#notes)  
> Summary is from the post

Oliver walked into the IT department at Queen Consolidated to find a petite, not unattractive blonde, chewing on a bright red pen and muttering under her breath. She smacked the side of the computer monitor in front of her and uttered a string of curses. Oliver cleared his throat.

“Felicity Smoak?” he asked. She turned, pulling the pen from her mouth.

“Hi,” Oliver said, smiling. “I’m Oliver Queen.” 

“Of course,” Felicity said, pulling her chair forward. “I know who you are. You’re Mr. Queen.”

“Noo,” Oliver said, shaking his head. “Mr. Queen was my father.”

“Right, but he’s dead,” Felicity replied nervously, gesturing as she spoke. “I mean, he died. But you didn’t. Which means you could…”- she started tapping her pen against her desk- “…come down to the IT department and listen to me babble. Which will end, in three, two,one.” She jabbed at the air with her pen, punctuating the countdown. She looked up at Oliver, indicating that she was ready for him to tell her what he needed. 

“I need to get some files off a damaged memory card,” Oliver said, pulling the memory card in question out of his pocket, “and my sister told me that you were the person to come and see.” Felicity held out her hand, and Oliver dropped the memory card into her open palm. She looked down at it and whistled.

“When you said ‘damaged’, you weren’t kidding,” she said. Holding it up to the light, she added, “How did you even manage to  _ get _ a bullet hole through something this small?”

“I was in a war zone, Felicity,” Oliver said. “That’s far from the craziest thing that happened to me.” Felicity’s eyebrows creased together, but otherwise she didn’t respond. Oliver appreciated that. He thought it might be the reason why he felt comfortable making a joke about what had happened to him while he was away, something he wouldn’t have done with anyone else- because, unlike everyone else, she didn’t give him a horrified look when he did. There was a long moment after that wherein neither of them spoke, although Felicity clearly had a lot on her mind, as she started fidgeting in her chair.

“If there’s anything you can salvage from it,” Oliver finally said, “I would really appreciate it.”   
“Mmhmm,” Felicity replied, nodding. She seemed distracted. It occurred to Oliver that she was probably waiting for him to leave so she could get back to work. He obliged her- no doubt she was very busy, and he didn’t want to take up any more of her time.


	2. Chapter 2

The sound of high heels on linoleum made Oliver look up from his work, expecting Thea, who made a habit of stopping in to check on him from time to time during the work day. Instead, it was Felicity walking toward his desk, swinging something from her hand on a lanyard.

“Here,” she said without preamble, tossing it down on his desk. “This is what I managed to get off of the memory card you gave me. It’s not much, but-”

“Whatever you managed to get off of it is more than enough for me,” Oliver interjected. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Felicity said. “Just doing my job.”

“I think this might have been a little beyond your usual call of duty,” Oliver replied with a smile. 

“Yeah, well, that’s okay,” Felicity said. “I like a challenge.”

“Do you feel like you’re not being challenged?” Oliver asked, his tone teasing. “Because I can always talk to my sister and see if she can’t find some more work for you to do.”

“No, no, there’s no need for that,” Felicity said, mock horrified. “I was just..you know. I was just saying.”  Oliver nodded.

“Uh huh,” he said. “Well, if you’re sure…”

“Absolutely,” Felicity replied in a rush. “One hundred percent.” Oliver smiled. They fell silent, and he had a moment to question why he already felt so at ease with this person that he barely knew. When he notice that Felicity hadn’t left yet, he asked “Was there something else?”

“I was just wondering what you need the files for,” Felicity said. “I mean, I’m not trying to be rude or anything, but I would think that this”- she made a sweeping gesture that encompassed the whole office- “means that you’re not doing that anymore.”

“Honestly, I don’t know,” Olive said. “But...it represents years of my life. I don’t want to turn my back on it completely. I might find a use for these files someday, but for now it’s just...nostalgia, I guess.” Felicity nodded in understanding.

“Well,” she said. “I’ve got work to be getting back to, and I’m sure you do to, so I’m just gonna leave now.” When she reached the door, she stopped, turned, and added, “Good luck with your...whatever” before disappearing out of sight.

 

“So, how’d things go with the IT girl?” Thea asked while she and Oliver were having lunch in her office, a daily ritual for them.

“Felicity?” Oliver asked.

“Do you know any other IT girls?” Thea quipped.

“Things went fine,” Oliver said. “Actually, better than fine. She was able to get the files off of that memory card for me. I still have no idea how. She must be some kind of genius.”

“She is,” Thea agreed, nodding. “That’s why I sent you to her. I knew she could help you.” There was something in her tone that implied she meant help with something  _ besides _ his tech problem, but Oliver didn’t really want to know what.

“What happened to the little sister I used to have to take care of?” he asked with a laugh.

“You went missing and she grew up,” Thea replied, voice thick, “and now she takes care of you. Speaking of which, how are you settling in?”

“Fine,” Oliver said.

“Just fine?” Thea asked, raising an eyebrow.

“The office job is an adjustment, I’ll admit,” Oliver said. “I’m just...trying to figure out where I fit in.”

“And you will,” Thea assured him, putting her hand on his arm. “Just give it time.” Oliver sighed. He wished he knew how much time to give it. He’d come home to a city, a family, a  _ life _ , that he didn’t recognize, and all he wanted was to feel normal again. More like himself. With everything that had happened to him, though, he couldn’t say with anything resembling certainty whether he ever would.

“Hey,” Thea said softly, cutting into his thoughts. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

“Don’t you always?” Thea asked, but it wasn’t really a question when she knew him well enough to know the answer. She paused, then added, “You know, this whole adjustment thing might be easier if you had friends.”

“Oh come on,” Oliver protested. “I have friends.”

“You don’t have friends, you have contacts,” Thea shot back. “You have former colleagues. Those don’t count.” 

“What, does Tommy not exist all of a sudden?” Oliver asked.

“I meant work friends, Oliver,” Thea retorted. “I’m not saying you have to have a lot, but you should have at least one. One person you can talk to at work. And no, I don’t count.”

“Are you saying you don’t enjoy our lunch dates?” Oliver teased.

“I’m saying I’d enjoy them much more if I didn’t worry you were only having lunch with me because you don’t have anybody else to have it with,” Thea replied, her voice somber.

“All right,” Oliver said, getting up from his chair. “If it will make you happy, I will  _ try _ to make at least one friend at work.” 

“Good,” Thea said. As he was going to leave, she called after him “Oh, and Oliver?” he turned.

“Don’t do it for my sake,” she said. “Do it for your own.”


	3. Chapter 3

Felicity tapped studiously away at her tablet, so absorbed in her work that she didn’t even realize that anyone had come in until she heard Oliver’s voice say, “Hey.” She gasped in surprise, clutching her tablet against her chest.

“Don’t you knock?” she demanded.

“Felicity,” Oliver said with an amused smile, “this is the IT department. It’s not the ladies’ room.”

“Right,” Felicity said. Setting her tablet down, she asked “What can I do for you?”

“I was about to head out to lunch, and I was wondering if you’d like to join me,” Oliver explained.

“This isn’t like a...date type thing, is it?” Felicity asked.

“No, not at all,” Oliver assured her, shaking his head vigorously. “It’s just...well, this is awkward, but my sister insists that I should have at least one friend at work.”

“And she doesn’t count?” Felicity asked.

“And she doesn’t count,” Oliver agreed, nodding.

“Well,” Felicity said after a moment, shrugging. “I suppose. You might have noticed that I don’t have any work friends either.”

“That’s because you spend all of your time hidden away in this darkened office,” Oliver teased. “You should really get out more.”

“Yes, I  _ know _ ,” Felicity countered, getting to her feet and gathering up her things. “That’s  _ why _ I’m going with you.”

“Okay,” Oliver chuckled, jerking his head toward the door. “Let’s go.”

 

“So, I’m curious,” Felicity said between bites of her burger. “How much of an adjustment was it, coming back to civilisation after you were...away?” It occurred to her that this might have been an invasive question, but Oliver didn’t seem to mind, or at least if he did mind he didn’t say anything.

“Well, I’ve only been back a little more than a week,” Oliver replied. “So I’m not exactly finished readjusting to civilisation just yet, but I’d say I’m getting there. The job helps. It’s the...structure, I think. Knowing to expect of every day removes a huge source of stress from my life.”

“Some people would find that boring,” Felicity remarked. “Every day being the same, I mean.”

“I’ve had enough excitement to last me a lifetime,” Oliver said. “I think maybe what I need now is a little bit of boring.”

“Which is completely understandable,” Felicity said. “You know, considering. Not that I know what you went through while you were missing- I can only imagine- but it can’t have been pleasant.”

“No, it certainly wasn’t,” Oliver agreed, voice quiet. They lapsed into silence.

“Oh!” Felicity exclaimed suddenly, smacking herself on the forehead. “I am such an idiot! That was totally a sensitive subject, wasn’t it? And there I was, rambling on about it like a dumbass. I’m so sorry. That’s not the sort of thing you want to be talking about over lunch, is it?”

“It’s alright,” Oliver reassured her. “I appreciate that you’re even willing to acknowledge that anything happened to me at all. Everyone else I talk to would rather dance around the subject, or pretend that it didn’t happen. Even my sister is guilty of it sometimes.”

“Well, that’s unfortunate,” Felicity said. “Traumatic events aren’t made less so by refusing to talk about them or to even acknowledge that they happened.”

“You sound like you speak from experience,” Oliver said softly. There was sorrow in his voice. Sorrow and empathy. Felicity got the sense that out of all the people she had ever met in her life, he might be the only one capable of understanding what she’d been through. Or at least now he would be, anyway. She had no way of knowing if that would have still been the case if she’d met him before he’d gone missing. Somehow, though, she doubted it.

“My point is that we all have tragedies,” she said, deflecting. “And keeping silent about them never helps anyone.”

“It’s a holding tactic,” Oliver supplied. “Nothing more.”

“Right,” Felicity agreed. “Eventually, something’s gotta give.” After a pause, she remarked, “Boy, we sure picked a heavy topic to discuss over lunch, didn’t we?”

“To be honest, I don’t think I know how to discuss the lighter ones anymore,” Oliver admitted. “I’m gotten pretty good at faking it, but that’s about it.”

“What sort of things do you talk about when you’re faking it?” Felicity asked, trying to put him at ease. 

“Well,” he said thoughtfully, “I usually ask people how they’re doing, or how their day is going, and so forth.”

“So?” Felicity prompted.

“So...how  _ has _ your day been going?” Oliver asked. “Anything interesting happen to you in your work day so far?”

“Not really,” Felicity said. “It’s mostly been forgotten passwords and internet connectivity problems today. You know, basic stuff.”

“I actually didn’t know what constituted ‘basic’ IT stuff,” Oliver pointed out, a smile tugging at one corner of his mouth, “but thank you for enlightening me.”

“If we’re going to be work friends, at least ninety percent of our conversations will likely consist of nothing but technobabble, just fair warning,” Felicity said. “I’ll do my best to dial it back for your sake, but I make no promises.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Oliver replied. “Maybe I ought to brush up on my tech knowledge, huh?”

“Maybe,” Felicity replied absently. After a moment, she said, “You know, you’re not  _ so _ bad at this whole casual conversation. If you’re faking it right now, I can’t tell.”

“Maybe I just needed the right person to talk to,” Oliver said, so quietly that she almost missed it.

 

Later, back at Queen Consolidated, Felicity stopped to ponder that statement. Why was she the right person for Oliver to talk to, considering that they barely knew each other? They talked to each other all of twice, not counting today, and yet she couldn’t deny that they had a connection. Something about him just put her at ease, and it was evident that she did the same for him. She remembered suddenly that Oliver had said that it was his sister who had prompted him to try and make at least one friend at work. She remembered, too, that it had been his sister who had sent him to her for help with his tech problem. That second thing was likely just because that was her job, but it wasn’t like she was the only person in her department. Oliver’s sister had sent him to her, specifically, and considering what she knew about Thea Queen, she wouldn’t put it past her to have somehow know that they would hit it off the way they had.


	4. Chapter 4

“You knew, didn’t you?” Oliver asked.

“Hmmm?” Thea replied absentmindedly, glancing up from the book she was reading.

“You knew that Felicity and I would...hit it off,” Oliver explained.

“So that’s where you were at lunch yesterday,” Thea said, more to herself than to him. In response to his impatient look, she said, “I didn’t  _ know _ . I suspected. I hoped. But I didn’t know.” Oliver nodded, but he wasn’t sure that he completely believed her. She knew him so well that it often seemed as though she could predict the future, could predict exactly how he would act in a given situation. What amazed him was that, as much as he had changed, as much as they both had changed, she apparently still could.

“Thank you,” he said.

“For what?” Thea asked, though her tone suggested that she was pretty sure she knew the answer.

“For knowing what I needed,” Oliver replied. “For pushing me to get after it.”

“I’m your sister,” Thea said noncommittally. “It’s my job to know what you need. But you’re welcome.”

“What would I ever do without you, Speedy?” Oliver murmured.

“I don’t know,” Thea replied, shrugging. “Probably nothing good.”

“Yeah, I’d be lost without you,” Oliver agreed with the smallest of smiles. “Especially now that-” His voice cracked.

“Hey,” Thea said, voice soft and comforting, reaching out and resting a hand on his knee. “What’s wrong?”

“I should have been there, Thea,” Oliver replied, voice hoarse with the tears he refused to allow himself to shed. “You shouldn’t have had to go to our parents’ funerals alone. I-”

“Hey, hey, none of that,” Thea interjected. “You had no control over that, Ollie. You can’t go blaming yourself for things that weren’t your fault.”

“I know,” Oliver said, “yet I just can’t stop. There’s this part of me that keeps thinking that if I’d just been a little faster, fought a little harder, I would have made it home sooner. I would have been there for you like a brother is supposed to be there for his sister. You wouldn’t have had to go through all those things you went through alone.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Thea said, eyes glimmering with unshed tears, “and I hate,  _ hate _ , to see you tearing yourself apart over something you had no control over.”

“I’m sorry,” Oliver mumbled. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“There you go again,” Thea said with a weak smile, her voice quavering. She started crying in earnest, and the sound of her sobs hit Oliver like a punch in the gut.

“Come here,” he whispered, holding out his arms. Thea slid wordlessly into his embrace, resting her head against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, rubbing her back soothingly until her tears subsided.

“Sorry,” she whispered, pulling away and wiping her eyes. “That was embarrassing.”

“Not at all,” Oliver said, shaking his head. “You’re allowed to cry, Thea.”

“And so are you, Ollie,” Thea said, her voice gentle, almost pleading. “You don’t have to be strong all the time. Not for me.”

“Yes I do,” Oliver said, his voice so quiet that it was little more than a vibration in the air. Especially for you. You’re my little sister, Speedy. You’re the one person in this world that I’m obligated to be strong for.”

“And I told you, I’ve grown up,” Thea said. “I can take care of myself.”

“Won’t stop me from trying to take care of you anyway,” Oliver replied with a half smile. “It’s my job.”

“And you’re doing it beautifully,” Thea joked, patting him on the shoulder. Olive smiled at him. She was his light, his strength. The thought of her had been the only thing that had gotten him through those five years of hell. He wondered if he would ever find the words or the courage to tell her so.

“Am I interrupting something?” Roy’s voice, from the direction of the doorway. They both turned to face him.

“Not at all,” Thea said, sliding back to her original position on the couch and setting her book on the coffee table. “What’s up?”

“It’s date night,” Roy replied, gesturing to his clothing, which was indeed date appropriate. “Did you forget?” There was no accusation in his tone, only genuine curiosity.

“I guess I did,” Thea said with a laugh, “which is funny, since it happens every week. Just give me a few minutes to change, and then we’ll go, okay?” Roy nodded. Thea levered herself up from the couch and left the room, her hand lingering on Roy’s shoulder for a moment on her way out.

“What?” Roy asked, glancing over at Oliver. “You’re staring.”

“Nothing,” Oliver said, shaking his head. “It’s just…I like the person Thea is when she’s around you. She seems like a...better version of herself. Brighter. Happier.”

“I think we’re all just trying to find the person who brings out the best in us,” Roy said, his cheeks reddening. “I’m grateful that I get to be Thea’s, and that she’s mine.” The sincerity in his voice made Oliver smile. He’d had his doubts about Roy when he and Thea had first started dating, but those doubts had quickly faded. It was clear that he made Thea happy, and that was all that Oliver had ever wanted for her.

A few more minutes passed and Thea reappeared in the doorway, outfit meticulous and matching, hair and makeup carefully done, looking every inch the beautiful young CEO out for a date with her fiancee. Roy whistled.

“You look beautiful,” he said, going to meet her. “Never in my life have I known anyone who dresses up as nicely as you do.”

“Oh, stop,” Thea scolded, smacking him playfully on the shoulder. “You’re flattering me.”

“It’s not flattery if I mean every word,” Roy replied with a smile, his voice an affectionate murmur. “Let’s go.” He slung an arm around Thea’s shoulders and walked her out of the room. Oliver watched them go, feeling himself slip into a pensive mood. He remembered his mother telling him, from the moment he was old enough to understand such matters, that it was important that he pass on the Queen family name one day. With his sister soon to become Thea Harper, that memory was at the forefront of his mind. After all of the important things in Thea’s life that he had missed, he was glad that he had at least made it home in time to be there for her wedding.


	5. Chapter 5

“You look happy,” Felicity told Oliver when he walked into the IT department without announcing himself, which was apparently a habit of his. “Anything happen?”

“Not really,” Oliver said, stopping in front of her desk and shoving his hands in his pockets. He had to stand- the only chair in the room was the one that Felicity was sitting in. “Roy and Thea went on a date last night, and it made me realize how grateful I am that I was lucky enough to make it home in time to attend her wedding.” He smiled. Felicity frowned. She’d been trained by years of working with computers to spot the small details that others often overlooked. She saw the pain hidden behind Oliver’s smile, even if someone else might not have. She had no desire to pretend like it wasn’t there, but she also knew that it probably wasn’t something that Oliver had any desire to talk about, so she kept her concerns to herself.

“You okay?” Oliver asked, cutting into her thoughts.

“Yeah,” she said. “Just thinking.”

“About what?” Oliver wanted to know.

“Personal stuff,” Felicity replied bluntly in an attempt to dissuade further questioning. She was afraid that if Oliver kept pushing, her overactive empathy would cause her to blurt out her concerns regarding his emotional state. She was a caring person by nature, and wanted nothing more than to help Oliver, but she was beginning to learn that too many personal questions tended to make him shut down.

“Alright,” Oliver said, holding out his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I’m sorry I asked.”

“Sorry,” Felicity said with a sigh. “It’s just...it’s been a long day.” She offered that excuse up as a shield, hoping it would be enough to keep the real reason for her uncommunicative behavior hidden.

“It’s only noon,” Oliver pointed out, glancing at his watch.

“Yeah, well I’ve been here since six,” Felicity retorted, her voice sounding distinctly snappish, even to herself. She winced inwardly. She had no idea where that irritation had come from.

“Wow,” Oliver said, taken aback. “That does sound like a pretty long day. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Felicity said, running a hand over her face. “It wouldn’t even be so bad, it’s just…” She paused. “Maybe like ninety percent of my job is actual computer problems. The other ten is just...people being stupid.”

“This sounds like it’s going to be a long conversation,” Oliver said, offering her a gentle smile, “so I’m going to see if I can stead a chair from another office, maybe get some coffee, and I’ll be right back. Okay?” Felicity nodded. Oliver returned her nod and left. Felicity sighed and returned reluctantly to her work. She had long ago come to terms with the difficulties of her job, the stupidity she had to deal with on a regular basis, but for some reason today it was making her want to bang her head on her desk.

She groaned and buried her face in her arms. She didn’t know why today felt so much worse than other days, but she wished it would just end so she could go home and have a few hours to herself.  An odd, distant rumbling sound distracted her from her moping. A few minutes later, Oliver entered the room, carrying two coffees in one hand and dragging a rolling office chair- the source of the odd sound- behind him with the other. He set the coffees on the desk and sat backwards in the chair, feet planted on the floor on either side of it, arms draped loosely over the back. 

“Oh, I almost forgot,” he said after a minute. “I didn’t know how you liked your coffee, so here.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a fistful of sugar packets and packages of cream and dropped them on her desk. A moment later they were joined by a wooden stirrer.

“Think you grabbed enough of those?” Felicity teased.

“Well, I didn’t know how many you would use, and I figured it would be better to bring too many than too few.”

“That’s fair,” Felicity conceded, grabbing one of the coffees on her desk and adding her preferred amount of cream and sugar to it. She leaned back in her chair and took a sip. 

“So what’s up?” Olive asked. “You said something about people being stupid?” Felicity nodded. 

“It’s just...so frustrating when people make my job harder because they tried to fix the problem themselves and ended up making it worse,” she said. “I mean, you’d think any reasonably intelligent person would know not to mess around with things they don’t understand and let the people who do understand them deal with them.”

“Hmmm,” Oliver replied thoughtfully. “I don’t think what you’re referring to is stupidity so much as it’s ignorance. It clearly doesn’t occur to these people that fixing the problem themselves isn’t such a good idea. They might even think they’re doing you a favor by saving you the trouble of having to take care of it for them, at least until it goes wrong.” Felicity sighed, seeing the sense of what Oliver was saying and regretting her angry words. She wasn’t normally so inconsiderate and ornery.

“You’re probably right,” she told Oliver. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me today.”

“Tedium, most likely,” Oliver said with a shrug. “Doing the same thing, dealing with the same people, day in and day out- it gets to you.”

“I thought you said you liked it when every day was the same,” Felicity said, frowning.

“ _ I  _ do,” Oliver replied. “Or at least  _ now _ I do. But not everyone is me.” Felicity didn’t answer. There was no refuting  _ that _ statement. They sat for a moment in silence. Felicity fiddled with the pen sitting on her desk. Silences always felt uncomfortable and awkward to her, even when they weren’t. She’d never been able to figure out why.

“Do you have work you need to be getting back to?” she asked, trying to make conversation. Oliver shook his head.

“Not really,” he said with a shrug. “It’s pretty much all stuff I can put off until later.”

“That’s why I came here,” he added a moment later.

“Gee, I’m so glad I’m your first choice when you want to procrastinate,” Felicity said, deadpan.

“Well, I can’t do it forever,” Oliver replied. “When I don’t get my work done when I’m supposed to, Thea’s going to come after me.”

“And here I thought Oliver Queen had never adhered to a deadline in his life,” Felicity muttered unthinkingly. Oliver’s eyebrows creased together.

“A few years ago you would have been right,” he said, an edge to his voice, “but then I realized that I wanted to be...more than what I was, more than what everyone was expecting me to be. So my sophomore year of college I quit my fraternity, changed my major, and became a journalist.”

“There’s no need to defend yourself to me,” Felicity said, voice quiet. Oliver made a noncommittal noise but otherwise didn’t respond. “I just...let my prejudices speak for me for a minute there, I guess. I knew people in college of the type you used to be, those entitled rich kids who never worked for anything because they’d had everything handed to them their whole lives.”

“I see,” Oliver said. “You’re right- I did used to be that type of person. But even if I hadn’t made a conscious effort to change that in college, after what happened to me in the past five years...I couldn’t be that kind of person anymore, even if I wanted to.”

“I’m sure those events, whatever they were, changed you as a person too,” Felicity mused.

“Probably,” Oliver agreed. “I certainly feel like a different person. I just don’t know if I’ve changed for the better or for the worse.”

“I guess that’s something you’ll just have to figure out with time,” Felicity said. She offered him a smile that she hoped was reassuring, but probably looked more like an awkward grimace.

“Yeah, but how much time?” Oliver muttered. Felicity didn’t answer, because the question clearly hadn’t been directed at her.

_ Why do our conversations always get so heavy? _ she wondered disparagingly. Her musings were interrupted by a loud jangling sound that made her jump.

“Sorry,” Oliver said apologetically, noticing her reaction. “It’s my sister. She wants to know where I’ve wandered off to.”

“So why don’t you tell her?” Felicity asked.

“I don’t know,” Oliver replied. “I just feel like it isn’t any of her business.”

“But you don’t want her to have to come looking for you, do you?” Felicity countered, not ungently. She was trying to get him to realize that he’d probably shirked his responsibilities enough for one day. “Besides, you’re technically her employee, and that  _ does _ make your whereabouts her business.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Oliver conceded, already tapping out a text message, his fingers flying across his phone’s screen. That done, he set it down on the edge of Felicity’s desk, within easy reach. A moment later, it vibrated against the surface of the desk, the screen lighting up.

“That’s my sister,” Oliver said, picking it up and reading the text message on the screen. “She just told me, in much less polite terms, to get back to work.”

“Well, that certainly doesn’t sound like a message you want to ignore,” Felicity said with an amused smile. 

“Yeah, no,” Oliver said. “Thea’s kind of scary when she gets mad. Besides, you’re right- she’s technically my boss. I mean, I don’t want her to fire me.”

“Yeah, because then you’d be out of a job, Mr. Former Playboy Turned Journalist Turned Businessman,” Felicity quipped, gesturing with a forefinger to emphasize her point.

“I’ve got a feeling I’d make a pretty handsome destitute though,” Oliver said.

“Well, let’s not find out anytime soon, hmm?” Felicity asked. When Oliver didn’t move, she exclaimed “Go!”, making a shooing gesture out the door. That got him moving. He moved toward the door, dragging his chair behind him. Felicity thought about telling him that maybe he should figure out some way to carry it because the noise it made was a little obtrusive, but by the time it occurred to her to do so he was gone.


	6. Chapter 6

Oliver sat bolt upright in bed, breathing hard. His eyes darted around the room, seeking the threat he was so certain was present. As his breathing slowed and reason returned, he recognized the familiar angles and shadows of his darkened bedroom, empty, of course, except for himself. 

_ A dream _ , he thought, slumping back against his pillows, his heart still pounding.  _ It was only a dream. _ He picked up his phone from his bedside table and dialed it quickly, without thinking.

“Hey, I’m sorry to wake you,” he said the second he stopped hearing ringing on the other end, “but I...I need to talk.”

They met at a bar called the Glossy Starling, a favorite hangout spot of theirs for having late night conversations away from the noise and crowds of Verdant. They were nobodies here, just part of the crowd. The anonymity was comforting. 

“You sure you don’t want something stronger?” Tommy asked, nodding to the white ceramic mug Oliver held between his hands. Oliver shook his head.

“I think something stronger is the last thing I need right now,” he said.

“Suit yourself,” Tommy replied with a shrug. Leaning back in the booth, he asked “So what’s going on?”

“I’m just...having trouble sleeping tonight,” Oliver said evasively, not wanting to reveal the reason for his sleeplessness. “And I needed to not be alone.” Tommy nodded.

“I see,” he said. Neither of them spoke for a moment. Something lingered in the air between them, something that needed to be said but that neither of them could quite figure out the words with which to say it.

“Look, I don’t mean to pry or anything,” Tommy finally said, “but what’s really going on?”

“What do you mean?” Oliver asked, feigning ignorance. “I told you.” Tommy shook his head.

“No you didn’t,” he said. “Not all of it.” When Oliver didn’t respond, he added, “Come on, Oliver. We’ve known each other since we were kids. Do you really think I can’t tell when you’re not telling me everything?” Oliver was silent for another minute, staring thoughtfully into his coffee.

“I’ve been having nightmares,” he said simply. “Since I got back. And normally when they’re bad enough to wake me up I can just go right back to sleep again, but for some reason tonight I wasn’t able to.” He deliberately avoided mentioning that most nights he avoided sleep entirely for fear of experiencing them. Tommy’s forehead creased with concern. Oliver could see that he sensed, yet again, that he wasn’t telling him everything, and waited to see if he would pursue the issue. He didn’t.

“What are your nightmares about?” he asked instead. His tone wary, like he was trying to avoid stirring up bad memories. Oliver appreciated his concern.

“That’s...not something I’m comfortable talking about,” he said. “Not yet.” Tommy nodded in understanding.

“Just thought you should know…” he said hesitantly, “Thea’s been pestering me to try and get you to open up about what you went through.”

“So when she couldn’t do it herself, she decided to try and use my best friend to do it for her?” Oliver asked. He winced inwardly at his choice of words and the bitterness in his voice.That wasn’t fair to her.

“She’s only doing it because she’s worried about you,” Tommy counseled, his tone carefully, deliberately neutral. 

“Yeah, I know,” Oliver said with a sigh. “And I know what I said wasn’t fair to her. It’s just...I need the time and space to deal with what I’ve been through on my own, before I open up to other people about it. I just wish Thea understood that, that’s all.”

“I’m sure she does,” Tommy said. “She just needs to be reminded.  _ Gently _ . Remember, she’s  only doing what she’s doing out of love.” Oliver nodded. 

“Did I tell you that she pushed me to make a friend at work?” he asked.

“Does she not count?” Tommy replied.

“Nope,” Oliver said, shaking his head. “She went so far as to orchestrate a situation where I would end up making a friend. To be honest, I’m kind of glad she did. Turns out that was exactly what I needed.”

“That’s Thea for you,” Tommy said with a laugh. “She knows what you need, and she’s going to push you to get after it, whether you want her to or not.”

“She’s a lot like her mother that way,” Oliver said, voice somber.

“You must miss her,” Tommy said.

“My mother?” Oliver asked. “Of course I do. I miss both my parents. They weren’t perfect, but they did their best to raise Thea and I right. I think that’s all any of us can really expect from our parents, that they try.”

“ I guess my dad kind of failed at it then,” Tommy said bitterly. “He got so distant after Mom died.” 

“I don’t know, I think you turned out okay,” Oliver with a half smile.

“That’s because your parents took it upon themselves to pick up his slack,” Tommy replied. “I never got to thank them for that.”

“I’d give anything to see them just one more time,” Oliver said sadly. “There’s so much I wish I could tell them.”

“I have the same thought about my mom a lot,” Tommy admitted, commiserating. “I wish I could tell you that it goes away eventually, but”- He shrugged- “it doesn’t.” The pair lapsed into silence. The bar had mostly emptied out, except for them and a handful of other patrons.

 “Look at us,” Tommy said suddenly, reaching over and clapping Oliver on the shoulder. “Just a couple of lonely orphans, being miserable together.”

 “Well, you know what they say,” Oliver replied with a grin, feeling his mood lighten. “Misery loves company.”

  “We can’t do anything about being orphans,” Tommy said, eyeing Oliver like he was waiting for him to point out that one of them wasn’t technically an orphan. When he didn’t, he raised his glass and continued on, “but here’s to not being lonely and miserable for much longer.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Oliver said with a laugh, tapping his coffee mug against Tommy’s glass. When the two friends parted ways for the night, Oliver wondered why he found himself with his mind on a certain blonde IT girl.


	7. Chapter 7

“Felicity! Felicity honey, are you still there?”  Felicity jerked, her mother’s voice startling her back into awareness. She hadn’t even realized that she’d spaced out.

“Yeah Mom, I’m still here,” she said. She heard her mother sigh with relief on the other end. 

“Oh, good,” she said. “You were quiet for so long I’d worried that you’d gotten sick of listening to me ramble on and had hung up on me.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Felicity said, shaking her head. Though her mother did have a tendency to chatter sometimes, it was no worse than her own, and even though it could be annoying, deep down Felicity enjoyed any opportunity to talk to her that presented itself. She was the only family she had, after all. “I just spaced out for a bit there. I’m  feeling kind of burned out right now.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” her mother said. “Work going okay?”

“Work’s fine,” Felicity replied automatically. “I’ve just...had a long day, that’s all.”

“Alright then, well,” her mother said, “I’ll leave you to get some rest. You obviously need it.”

“Thanks Mom,” Felicity said with a tired smile. 

“You’re welcome sweetie,” her mother replied. “Same time next week?”

“Of course,” Felicity said before ending the call. She set her phone down on her nightstand, next to her glasses, and climbed into bed, quietly grateful that she was already in her pajamas. 

She woke the next morning to late morning sunlight flooding her bedroom, in a panic, sure that she was late for work. She was halfway through a rushed version of her morning routine before she remembered that it was Saturday. She paused in the middle of what she was doing and gave herself a moment to get her heart rate back down to normal before she went and changed into clothes more appropriate for lounging and made herself a cup of coffee. She settled down on her couch with a contented sigh, feeling herself relax. That feeling of contentment vanished the instant she decided to check her phone. She had fifteen text messages, all from a number she unfortunately recognized as Ray Palmer’s, all variations of  _ Hi. How are you? What’s up? _ The last one, received at six A.M., read  _ Why aren’t you answering? _ accompanied by a frowny face.

_ For God’s sake Ray, I was asleep _ , Felicity fired off angrily. She probably shouldn’t respond at all- it would only encourage him- but at that particular moment she was too irritated that he was back to his old nonsense- again- to care. Ray didn’t respond, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe he’d gotten the hint. They’d broken up three years ago, but every once and a while he would do this, send her dozens of messages out of the blue out of some kind of misguided hope that maybe this time she’d want to talk to him. She’d told him time and again to delete her number, and she really should have blocked his, but she hadn’t because that seemed like an extreme reaction to something that was really nothing more than a minor nuisance. Ray could be annoying sometimes, but he wasn’t dangerous. Still, she put her phone on airplane mode, just in case he decided to spam her some more, so that she could have a few hours peace.

That night, after she enjoyed some quiet time to herself, reading and watching Netflix, she chanced taking her phone off of airplane mode, squinting at the screen at eyes scrunched halfway closed as she did so. To her very great relief, she didn’t have any more messages from Ray, though she did have one from Iris.

_ Hey girl _ , it read.  _ I’ve been trying to reach you all day. Is everything okay? _

_ Everything’s fine _ , Felicity wrote.  _ I had my phone on airplane mode. Ray texted me again. _

_ You should really go to the police about that. I can bring it to my dad, if you want. _

_ What can your dad do? Starling City is  _ way  _ outside of the CCPD’s jurisdiction. And anyway, why would I go to the police about Ray? He’s not dangerous. He’s just a nuisance. _

_ I guess you’re right. Still, promise me you’ll report him to the authorities if his behavior escalates or he does anything to make you feel unsafe. _

_ I promise. _ Felicity sighed and tapped her phone against her leg, trying to figure out how to turn the conversation to a more pleasant subject. She refused to allow Ray Palmer to ruin her day. Finally, she wrote,  _ So what did you need to get ahold of me about? _

_ Oh yeah! _ Iris replied.  _ I’m going to be in Starling next weekend for a story and I was wondering if you wanted to hang out while I’m there. _

_ Of course. You know how much I love getting to see you in person. I look forward to it. _

_ Awesome. I’ll see you then. I text you more details when I have them. _

_ Sounds like a plan.  _ After a moment, a thought occurred to Felicity, and she wrote,  _ Did I tell you that I finally made a friend at work? _

_ No _ , Iris replied.  _ Who is it? _

_ Oliver Queen, _ Felicity wrote. She smiled imagining the look on Iris’ face when she read that message. Her response came a moment later.

_ No way. You do  _ not  _ know Oliver Queen! _

_ I do. He works at Queen Consolidated now. _

_ What’s he like? _ Felicity thought for a moment.

_ Kind, _ she wrote.  _ Funny. A little sad. _

_ Handsome?  _ Iris asked.  _ I’ve heard that he’s like, ridiculously attractive.  _ Felicity laughed.

_ I suppose so _ , she wrote.  _ I hadn’t really thought about it. It’s not really something I consider important. _

_ Of course it isn’t. You are too good for this world, Felicity Smoak. Anyway, Barry’s home, so I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you later. _

As Felicity locked her phone and slipped it into her pocket, she couldn’t stop an enormous smile from spreading across her face. Iris was the closest thing she had to a best friend. It had been so long since they had talked face to face, and she couldn’t wait to tell her about everything that had gone on since they’d last seen each other.  With that to look forward, she felt, nothing could possibly spoil the next week for her.


	8. Chapter 8

“Oliver!” someone behind him called out. Unfortunately, he recognized that voice. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and prepared himself to deal with them.

“Susan Williams,” he said, turning around to face her. She had apparently cut into the line to talk to him while he waited for his coffee, judging by the irritated expressions of the people behind her. “It’s been a long time.”

“Yeah, like seven years,” Susan said brightly, evidently not hearing the irritation in Oliver’s voice.

“Part of that was by design,” Oliver said bluntly. “As I recall, you wrote some very unflattering articles about me and my family.” “Unflattering” was an understatement. They’d been downright vicious.

“Oh come on, you’re not  _ still _ mad about that,” Susan replied flippantly. “I had to make my living  _ somehow _ . People love to see the idle elite get knocked down a peg.”

“You referred to me as an empty headed playboy whose only future was as the family disappointment,” Oliver growled, his voice rising. “You called my sister a disgrace to the Queen family name!” In truth, he much angrier about the things she’d said about Thea than the things she’d said about him. He might have done things to deserve them, but Thea had not.

“That was before the two of you made something of yourselves!” Susan protested. “Besides, was I wrong?”

“Yes!” Oliver shouted, drawing the attention of the other people in the Jitters. He grabbed his coffee and ducked out of line, stalking away from Susan with steps quickened by the anger he was only barely keeping in check. He heard the clack of Susan’s high heels on the floor as she ran after him.

“Oh come on Oliver, you’re being unreasonable,” she said, stepping in front of him and stopping him short.

“No, I don’t think I am,” Oliver replied coldly. He tried to move around her, but she stepped into his path again.

“I had no idea you could hold onto a grudge for this long,” she said. “We had a good run, didn’t we?”

“No, we didn’t,” Oliver replied, barely managing not to shout at her again. “You only wanted to get me to open up to you so that you had more ammunition to use against me. Dating you is the worst mistake I ever made.”

“Oh please,” Susan said scornfully, not helping her case. “I highly doubt it was the  _ worst  _ mistake. Anyway, I’ve been  _ trying _ to tell you that I’ve changed. Before you completely shut me down without giving me a chance to explain myself, I was going to ask if you’d let me make it up to you by buying you dinner.”

“Dinner won’t even come close to making up for what you did to me and my family,” Oliver muttered, but then, against his better judgement, found himself agreeing to Susan’s request.

Oliver met Susan at the appointed time and place to find that he’d underdressed, or perhaps- and this seemed more likely- that Susan had overdressed. She seemed to think that this was a date, and Oliver felt his earlier irritation return. If he’d known that that’s what she thought, he never would have agreed to this. He had no desire to repeat the mistakes of his past.

“So,” Susan said without preamble when he took a seat across the table from her. “We should talk about the five years you were missing. I bet there’s some interesting stuff there.”

“I knew it,” Oliver growled, pushing back from the table and practically leaping to his feet. “You haven’t  _ changed _ . You’re just after a story as usual.”

“Leaving already?” Susan asked as if nothing was happening, arching one perfect eyebrow. “We haven’t even ordered yet.” Oliver clenched his jaw and dropped heavily back into his seat, his back stiff and ramrod straight, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. He felt trapped.

“That was a bit of an overreaction,” Susan said primly.

“No it wasn’t,” Oliver replied, voice taut. “I don’t- I don’t want to talk about that yet, not with Thea, not with Tommy, not with  _ anyone _ , but  _ especially  _ not you. I know you, Susan. I know all your tricks. You don’t give a damn about me. You never did. You’re just hoping that maybe I’ll give you something that you can use.”

“Ollie, what happened to you was a tragedy,” Susan said, wide-eyed, her hands folded demurely on the table in front of her, the very picture of innocent concern. Her use of his nickname grated against his nerves like sandpaper. “I just want to understand it.”

“No,” Oliver snapped, getting to his feet again. “You don’t get to call me that, like you’re someone who cares about-about  _ anything _ that’s happened in my life . You aren’t. I know it, you know it, so why are you persisting with the charade?”

“Oliver,” Susan said in a low voice, her tone scolding, like she was talking down an unruly child. “You’re making a scene.”

“Then I’m making a scene!” Oliver shouted, drawing stares. “You can stop pretending that you give a shit about what I went through. You don’t get to use my trauma, my  _ pain _ , to further your own ends. I’m done entertaining your lies. Write an article about  _ that _ .” Susan’s shock at his outburst was so solid and palpable that it may has well have been a wall. Oliver regretted it almost immediately- it would be all over the tabloids tomorrow, no doubt- but at that moment that mattered less to him than putting as much distance between himself and Susan Williams as possible. He turned and all but ran out of the restaurant, leaving Susan with his angry words.

When he felt like he was a good distance away, he leaned back against the nearest building and blew out a breath, trying to calm himself down. The leftover adrenaline from his earlier surge of anger was making him feel shaky and light-headed as it worked its way out of his system. On a whim, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and typed up a text message, only half paying attention to what he was doing.

_ Hey _ , it read. Succinct, friendly, and giving away nothing about what had prompted it.

_ You don’t usually text me outside of work _ , came the reply.  _ What’s up? _

_ Nothing, really. I just had a really bad encounter with an ex. _

_ And you wanted to talk to me? Awww, that’s so sweet! In all seriousness though, I feel for you. I’ve been there. It really sucks.  _ Oliver frowned.

_ You have exes?  _ he asked. For some reason, the idea that anyone in their right mind would break up with Felicity was unfathomable to him.

_ Don’t act so surprised _ , Felicity replied.  _ Apparently I’m “a lot”. _ Something very like rage settled in Oliver’s chest. His heart rate ticked back up a couple beats per minute.

_ I’m sure you just haven’t found someone  who’s strong enough to love you for all that you are, _ he wrote.  _ But they’re out there somewhere. I’m sure of it. _ He only had to wait for a moment for Felicity’s response.

_ That’s what my mother keeps telling me. _

_ Your mother sounds like a smart woman. _

_ You know, if she find out you said that, she’ll never let me hear the end of it. _ Oliver laughed at that. He was feeling better already. It always amazed him how quickly Felicity could turn a bad day into a good one, an unbearable situation into a tolerable one. She was sunshine personified. Idly, he wondered if her mother was anything like her. 

_ Anyway _ , she sent a moment later,  _ I should probably go. I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Oliver. _

_ Goodnight. _ Oliver put his phone away and levered himself away from the building he was leaning against. It was getting late, and he needed to head home. If he stayed out much longer, Thea would start to worry about what might have happened to him.


	9. Chapter 9

Felicity felt her skin prickle, and knew, without looking, that Oliver’s eyes were on her. She glanced up from her work and sure enough, Oliver was watching her with a thoughtful expression, tapping the pen in his hand idly against his desk. Felicity shifted uncomfortably in her seat. The way he was looking at her made her feel like she was under a microscope, like all of her flaws were being laid bare in front of him.

“What?” she asked, trying to dispel that feeling. “You’re staring.”

“Hmm?” Oliver replied. His voice sounded faraway, like his mind had been elsewhere. “Oh. Nothing. I was just wondering what you’re working on. You’re very involved in it, whatever it is.” Felicity raised an eyebrow, wondering how he could possibly know that. In response, Oliver nodded to the mug on the low table in front of her and said, “You’ve barely touched your coffee.” Felicity nodded in understanding.

“My friend Iris is a reporter for Central City Picture News,” she explained. “She likes to write her articles out longhand first, and she’s always talking about how she wishes there were an app where she could take a picture of a page of handwritten text and it would tell her what her word count is. So…” she made a meandering gesture with one hand, trying to find the right words.

“I’m making one,” she finished simply. She turned her attention to her work.

“Felicity,” Oliver said, drawing it back to him. He shook his head, an awed smile pulling at his mouth. “You’re remarkable.” Embarrassed by the praise- she didn’t think trying to help Iris was all that remarkable- she looked down at her feet.

“Thank you for remarking on it,” she mumbled shyly, smiling in spite of herself. As unexpected as the compliment was, it gave her a pleasantly warm feeling in her chest, right where her heart was. She frowned. She really needed to do something about this crush she had on Oliver. The last thing she wanted was for it to ruin her friendship with him. She’d come to value that friendship in the short time they’d known each other, and she would hate to lose it. She did her best to arrange her face into a neutral expression before Oliver noticed that something was wrong.

“Do you have a deadline set for when you want to have your project finished?” he asked, thankfully distracting her from her thoughts. 

“Not really,” she said, shaking her head, “but Iris is going to be here next week for a story, and I would like to have it at least mostly done by then. But if not”- she shrugged- “there’s always her birthday.” Oliver smiled at that. There was a quality to that smile that Felicity couldn’t quite name.

“So what happened to you last night?” she asked, casting about for a topic of conversation. In truth, curiosity about it had been gnawing at her since Oliver had texted her last night. Seeing the way he tensed, she added, “I understand if you don’t want to talk about it. I’m just curious because you’d never texted me outside of work before. I swear I’m not trying to pry.”

“No, it’s...it’s fine,” Oliver said. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, and Felicity could see him force the tension out of his shoulders. “Have you ever heard of a reporter named Susan Williams?”

“Only because Iris hates her,” Felicity said. “She always talks about how she’s clearly one of those people who never learned that there’s a difference between being brutally honest and being just straight up vicious.”

“Yeah well,” Oliver said with a self-deprecating chuckle, “she and I dated about seven years ago. That was probably the worst mistake I ever made. Susan um...well, to put it bluntly, she didn’t care about me. She was just hoping that if she got close to me I’d open up and give her something that she could use against me. And at the time… I was so tired of failed relationships, and I was so desperate to make this one work, that I didn’t realize what was really going on until it was almost too late.” He paused, probably gathering his thoughts. Felicity wanted to put down her work, cross the room, and comfort him somehow, but she restrained herself. She didn’t want to overstep, and she somehow sensed that some small part of Oliver  _ needed _ him to finish the story.

“I ran into her in Jitters yesterday,” he continued, “and she somehow convinced me to go to dinner with her. She told me that she’d changed, but then when I got there she wanted me to tell her about the five years I was missing. So I left, and shortly after that is when I texted you. I thought you might be able to help me feel better.”

“And did I?” Felicity asked, finding that the answer was very,  _ very  _ important to her. 

“Yeah,” Oliver replied with a small, sad smile. “Yeah, you did.”

“I’m glad,” Felicity said, her voice subdued. They lapsed into silence. 

“Oliver,” Felicity said after a time. This time she didn’t hesitate to cross the room to his desk. He watched her approach with open curiosity plain on his face. “I want you to know that if you ever need to talk, about anything, I’m always here for you.” Oliver nodded and whispered, “Thanks.” Felicity laid her hand over his where it rested on his desk. He surprised her by turning his hand over and entwining his fingers with hers. She felt the rough scrape of calluses against her skin and wondered why that was so unexpected.  _ Of course _ Oliver would have physical marks of what he’d to do to survive what had no doubt been five years of living hell.

Oliver stared deep into her eyes, studying her face as if searching for something. His eyes were incredibly blue, sharp and piercing like arrowheads. Felicity felt her heart rate speed up, and wondered how he could be so completely oblivious to what he was doing to her. Whatever the meaning of this gesture was, it was decidedly  _ not  _ platonic. Or at least it didn’t  _ feel  _ platonic.

“Thank you,” Oliver said, much more fervently than last time. Felicity nodded quickly, not trusting herself to speak, and pulled away from him before she did something to make a fool of herself.


	10. Chapter 10

“Ollie?” Thea asked, pulling him away from his thoughts. “Are you alright? You’ve barely touched your food.” For a moment, Oliver had forgotten that he was sitting at the dining room table for family dinner, just like he did every Tuesday. It was a tradition that had been started by their parents, and one that, like most of their family traditions, Thea had insisted on continuing. 

“I’m fine,” he said. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

“Anything you’d like to share?” Thea asked, offering him a small, encouraging smile.

“Yeah,” Oliver said. “But not here. Later though, I promise.” Thea nodded and returned her attention to her meal. Oliver did the same, and an easy, comfortable silence settled over the room. Roy didn’t offer commentary or any topics of conversation- he rarely did, seeming content to simply enjoy Thea’s company- so nothing broke that silence.

The end of dinner found Oliver in the kitchen, up to his wrists in soapy water. He’d volunteered to do the dishes, since Thea had cooked, but truth be told he would have done the same if he’d been the one to make dinner. Carrying out mundane tasks like cooking and cleaning was the only time his mind was quiet. Thea appeared in the edge of his field of his vision, leaning one hip against the counter next to the sink.

“So what’s on your mind?” she asked. “You said you would tell me.” Oliver scrubbed a plate while he considered how best to answer.

“I think it’s time I moved out,” he said, setting the plate in the next sink to be rinsed.

“So soon?” Thea asked. “Ollie, are you sure? You just got back.”

“It’s been almost a month, Thea,” Oliver pointed out. “Besides, I think it’ll help. There’s too many reminders of the person I used to be here, and getting some physical distance might be exactly what I need to start figuring out who I am now.” Thea mulled that over, chewing anxiously on her bottom lip.

“Well, far be it for me to interfere with your healing process,” she said. “But are you sure you’re sure?”

“Yes,” Oliver replied. “I am sure that moving out is the best thing for me right now.”

“All right then,” Thea said. “Just don’t ask me for help with apartment hunting. I know about as much about that as you do.”

“Which is nothing,” Oliver pointed out with a laugh.

“Exactly,” Thea said. She flashed him a teasing grin.

“I need to go take care of some wedding stuff with Roy,” she said. “I’ll see you later. Don’t stay up too late.”

“You’re not my mom, you know,” Oliver called after her as she left the kitchen. If she responded, he didn’t hear it. He laughed quietly to himself, shaking his head, and went back to what he’d been doing, with only his thoughts for company.

“Wait, you called me wanting to meet up for coffee before work because why?” Felicity asked, sitting across from Oliver in Jitters the next morning.

“I’ve decided to move out,” Oliver said. “Most people are living on their own by the time they’re my age. I figured it was time I did the same.” He didn’t mention the part about wanting to distance himself from his old self.

“And that involves me how?” Felicity asked. Oliver looked down at his hands.

“I need help with apartment hunting,” he admitted with a sheepish smile. “I’ve never done it before.”

“I’m not surprised,” Felicity said. “You’ve lived in that big old mansion all your life, haven’t you?”

“Give or take a few years here and there,” Oliver confirmed.

“Ok, so why do you want my help?” Felicity asked. 

“Because I know that you’re the kind of person who’s empathetic enough to help me with my predicament without making fun of me for being in it in the first place,” Oliver explained simply. Felicity laughed.

“Well, you got me there,” she said. After a pause, she continued speaking, picking up a new thread of conversation. “I know you tend to be a little old-fashioned, but it actually hurts me in my soul to even think of suggesting that you start with the classifieds. It’s like a  _ million times _ more efficient to use the Internet.”

“How so?” Oliver asked.

“Well, here,” Felicity said, grabbing her tablet and scooting over to Oliver’s side of the table. She was so close that he caught a whiff of her shampoo- something floral, perhaps cherry blossoms. It made his heart race, though he couldn’t have said why. “I’ll show you. If you were to use the classifieds, you’d have to visit each listing in person, and basically just hope that you find one in your price range that you can at least  _ tolerate _ living in, right?” She waited for Oliver’s nod before she continued. “But if you just go and Google ‘apartments in Starling City’ you get dozens of websites where you filter your results by stuff like price, or whether utilities are included, or size.  _ And  _ a lot of them include pictures of the interior of the apartments, so you don’t have to visit them in person. You wouldn’t have to interact with a single human being until you found the place you wanted to rent…” She trailed off, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Okay, you’ve got a totally blank look on your face,” she muttered. “Are you sure you’re getting this?”

“Yeah,” he assured her. “It’s just a lot of information to take in all at once. But I think I’ve got the gist of it all though. I know where to start, now, at least. Thank you for your help.”

“Anytime,” Felicity said. She kept her eyes downcast as she moved her chair back to the other side of the table and gathered up her belongings. Oliver couldn’t figure out why there was a blush coloring her cheeks pink.

They walked to Queen Consolidated in silence, side by side, Oliver automatically adjusting the length of his strides to match Felicity’s. It still amazed him how natural it to him to keep pace with her, the rhythm of his footsteps complimenting hers. They just seemed to...fit. Thea really had been right on the money when she’d pushed them together.

“What’s going on?” Felicity asked. “You’ve got that face you make when you’re pondering something.” She gestured to her own face in emphasis. Oliver faltered for a moment, caught off guard by the astuteness of the observation. 

“I was just thinking that sometimes it feels like we’ve known each other our whole lives,” he said. “We just seem to...fit. Does that make sense?” Felicity nodded.

“Your sister knows you really well,” she said, clearly thinking, as Oliver himself had been, about how Thea had brought them together. 

“She really does,” Oliver agreed. By this time they had reached their destination. They exchanged greetings with the guy at the security checkpoint, then paused in the lobby, in front of the elevators.

“I guess this is where I leave you,” Oliver said with a small smile, well aware that there were eighteen floors between their offices. 

“I guess so,” Felicity replied. She moved past him to press the button for the next elevator. “You know, I’ve been meaning to ask- what exactly  _ is _ your job?”

“Officially?” Oliver asked. “Public relations. Thea thought I’d be good at it.” Felicity nodded. She studied him thoughtfully until the elevator arrived,and when the doors slid closed on her, it felt like they were on the cusp of something, though Oliver was at a loss as to what.


	11. Chapter 11

“Hey,” Felicity said, leaning over the reception desk. “I’ve got to duck out for about an hour to pick up my friend from the train station. Can you cover for me?”

“Sure!” the receptionist, Nancy, said brightly. Everything about her was cheerful and sunny- her voice, her smile, her personality. It was why she was so good at her job. “What should I say if anyone asks for you?”

“I don’t know,” Felicity replied. “Just...tell them I’m indisposed. Unless it’s Oliver. You can tell him I’m at the train station.”

“I didn’t realize you were on a first name basis with Mr. Queen,” Nancy said with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m not,” Felicity said. “He _asked_ me to call him Oliver.”

“Oh, did he now?” Nancy asked.

“Hey, don’t go jumping to conclusions,” Felicity said, heading for the door. “We’re just friends.”

“Uh-huh,” she heard Nancy say behind her, her tone skeptical. “Sure.” Felicity hoped she wouldn’t do anything with her suspicion. She had a tendency to gossip, and she didn’t want the wrong information finding its way back to Oliver. She didn’t think she’d be able to look him in the eyes if that were to happen. She shoved her doubts aside and hurried on her way. She didn’t want to keep Iris waiting.

At the train station, Felicity found herself checking the text from Iris with her train’s arrival time and platform number for the umpteenth time, paranoid, for some reason, that she’d missed something or gotten some detail wrong. She also hadn’t anticipated there being such a large crowd here on a Friday afternoon. Finally, she spotted Iris, mostly because the person in question was waving a hand over her head and calling Felicity’s name enthusiastically.

“Iris!” she called out in response, pushing through the crowd and pulling her friend into a hug. “You’re here! And...you brought Barry...why did you bring Barry?” Iris shook her head.

“I didn’t,” she said. “He wanted to accompany me this far because I have something to tell you and he wanted to be there when I did.”

“What is it?” Felicity asked. Iris held up her left hand in answer. It only took Felicity a second to spot the flash of a diamond ring on her finger.

“Oh my God!” she exclaimed, pulling Iris into another hug. “That’s awesome! Congratulations!” Over Iris’ left shoulder, Barry was beaming. It warmed Felicity’s heart to see her friends so happy.

She stepped aside, much to the chagrin of commuters who now had to steer around her on their way to get where they were going, and waited for Iris and Barry to say their goodbyes. Once they had, and Barry was on his way to the next train back to Central City, Felicity slung an arm across Iris’ shoulders and pulled her close as she walked to the parking lot.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” she told her. “We have a lot to catch up on.”

“We do,” Iris agreed. “And there’s something I need to ask you. Later though. Right now I’m happy just to be here spending time with you.” Felicity smiled and hugged her even closer.

They didn’t talk much in the car. Felicity wanted to- she was dying to ask Iris for every detail of Barry’s proposal- but she knew that travel tired her out, so she gave her the brief duration of the drive back to Queen Consolidated to rest.

When they arrived at QC, Felicity was only half surprised to catch sight of Oliver in the lobby, either on his way out to find her at the train station or waiting there for her return, she wasn’t sure. She elbowed Iris, who followed her line of sight and let out a very undignified squeak. Felicity smiled. She’d known for a long time that Iris was an admirer of Oliver’s work. One of many, she was sure.

“Oh my God, he’s even more handsome in person,” Iris muttered in Felicity’s ear when Oliver spotted them and started making his way over. Felicity elbowed her again, this time in protest.

“Just because I’ve made a commitment to Barry doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate attractiveness in other people,” Iris said in response.

“Oliver!” Felicity said when he reached them at last. “I’d like you to meet my friend, Iris.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Iris said enthusiastically. “I’m a big fan of your work.”

“Thank you, that’s very kind of you,” Oliver said, with the sort of smile Felicity was sure must have gotten him out of a lot of trouble when he was younger. “Felicity tells me you’re a reporter?”

“For Central City Picture News,” Iris confirmed, nodding. “Which reminds me- my editor will kill me if I don’t get at least one quote from you. He wants CCPN to be the first paper in Central City to report on your return.”

“He’s been back for almost a month, Iris,” Felicity cut in, noticing Oliver balk. She still remembered the not-so-pleasant encounter he’d had with Susan Williams centered around that subject and clearly he did as well. “Every news outlet in the city has run the story into the ground.”

“Every news outlet in _Starling City_ ,” Iris corrected. “I swear, sometimes it takes so long for news to travel from Starling to Central that it’s like they’re on different continents instead of just in different states. That sort of thing shouldn’t _happen_ in the age of the Internet.” Felicity was inclined to agree with that last statement, but she could see the way Oliver’s smile had turned stiff and forced, and there was a tightness around his eyes that suggested he was struggling to keep his composure, and thought it best to give him an out, and quickly.

“Well, maybe you can do that later,” she said quickly, tugging on Iris’ arm. She was fully intending to have a gentle but pointed conversation with her about why she should stay _away_ from that particular line of questioning, but she didn’t want to make Oliver even more uncomfortable by having that conversation in front of him. “Right now, I need to get back to my office before my boss has a chance to get mad at me for not being there. I’m pushing my luck as it is.” She moved away, pulling Iris along with her, adding, “I’ll see you late Oliver” on her way past him.

“What was that all about?” Iris asked once they were safely ensconced in Felicity’s office. She was perched on the edge of her desk, fiddling with her favorite red pen. Felicity resisted the urge to snatch it out of her hand.

“Oliver doesn’t…” she began. She stopped, sighed, and started over. “Oliver doesn’t feel like he’s ready to about what happened to him while he was missing. And if someone tries to pressure him into it, it stirs up the traumatic memories he hasn’t been able to fully process yet and puts him in a...in a really bad place. It happened with Susan Williams the other day.” Iris scowled at the mention of Susan Williams.

“I wasn’t going to ask him about that,” she assured Felicity, her scowl easing after a moment. “It’s a human interest story- my editor doesn't want it weighed down with anything too depressing. I just want to know how he’s been re-acclimating to society.” A sigh of relief escaped Felicity before she could stop it.

“Sorry,” she said softly. “It seemed like you were headed that way, and Oliver was starting to get...well, I don’t know if upset is the right word-”

“How could you tell?” Iris interjected. “He seemed fine to me.”

“It’s little things,” Felicity said. She twisted her fingers together in her lap. “You have to know what to look for.” Iris nodded. She studied Felicity with her head tilted to one side for a moment, then asked “Why do you care so much, anyway?”

“I don’t want to see Oliver hurt,” Felicity said. “He’s my friend.” Iris arched an eyebrow.

“You seem to care for him a bit more than you would for someone who’s just a friend,” she said. “Which for you is saying something, because you care for everyone in your life so deeply.”

“Okay, so maybe I have a tiny crush on him,” Felicity admitted. When Iris’ expression didn’t change, she amended, “Okay, a huge crush.” Iris didn’t respond, but still the skepticism didn’t leave her face. Felicity wondered why, until she recalled, suddenly, a feeling she’d gotten while seeing Barry and Iris together at the train station, more of an impression, really, there and gone so quickly that she’d immediately dismissed it as nothing- she’d seen how happy Iris and Barry were together, how happy they made each other, and had realized that she wanted that. With Oliver.

“Oh my God,” she muttered, dropping her head into her hands. “I’m in love with Oliver.” When she looked up, Iris was nodding knowingly.

“How could you possibly know that?” she demanded. “You don’t even _know_ Oliver. You met him for like ten seconds.”

“And I knew it in five,” Iris said. “Come on, Felicity, I’m your best friend. Do you really think I’d have to know Oliver to be able to see how you feel about him?” Felicity didn’t have an answer to that. She was too busy trying to figure out when she’d turned into a romcom cliche. She was in love with her friend who would probably never feel the same way. How much more pathetic could she get?


	12. Chapter 12

_ So what’s the deal with the story Iris is writing?  _ Oliver asked Felicity while standing in line at Jitters the next morning. He could tell that, even in a text message, he sounded tense and angry and worried, but he hoped Felicity would understand. 

_ She told me it’s a human interest story, _ she replied,  _ and that her editor doesn’t want it weighed down with anything too depressing, so she wasn’t going to ask you anything about the time you were missing. She just wants to know how you’ve been re-acclimating to society. _

_ Couldn’t  _ you  _ tell her that?  _ Oliver asked. 

_ I could _ , Felicity replied,  _ but I’d only be able to tell her parts of it. You’re the only person who can give her the full picture. _

_ That’s true _ , Oliver conceded.  _ Well, if you want to tell her to stop by QC later today, I think I might be able to make time for her during my lunch break. _

_ Alright, I’ll let her know _ , Felicity said.  _ I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to hear it.  _ Oliver slipped his phone into his pocket as he moved to the front of the line. He was feeling a little apprehensive about his meeting with Iris, but if Felicity trusted her, then so did he.

“Oh, Oliver Queen, you are a saint!” Felicity said when he walked into her office with coffee in hand. “An absolute saint, I tell you!”

“I think that’s giving me a little too much credit,” Oliver said, handing her one of the coffees he was carrying, the one he’d made sure to get just exactly the way he’d learned she liked it. “All I did was bring you coffee.”

“Anyone willing to spend money on my caffeine addiction is a saint in my book,” Felicity joked. “In all seriousness though, it looks like  _ you _ might have had a little bit too much caffeine this morning. Your hands are shaking.”

“Are they?” Olive asked, glancing down at them. Sure enough, they were shaking, but only slightly. Not enough to be as easily noticeable as Felicity pointing it out so quickly implied. “I hadn’t noticed. I guess I’m just-” He cut himself off with a shrug.

“Nervous?” Felicity supplied. “About your interview with Iris?” Oliver nodded.

“Don’t be,” Felicity told him. “I promise that you’re not going to have to go through a repeat of that nasty business with Susan Williams. If there’s one thing about Iris you can count on, it’s her discretion.”

“You’re probably right,” Oliver said. “I keep telling myself that if you trust Iris, I can trust her too, but the doubt keeps creeping in.”

“Which I completely understand,” Felicity said. “It makes sense that you’d still be a little leery around reporters after what you’ve been through recently. I’ll let Iris know to take things slowly, but I might not even have to. She goes out of her way to make the subjects of her interviews feel at ease. I’m sure that includes taking it at whatever pace they’re comfortable with.” Oliver nodded again, taking a moment to force the tension from his body.

“Thank you,” he said. 

“Anytime,” Felicity replied, tucking her hair nervously behind her ear. “What are friends for?”

Despite Felicity’s assurances, and despite his efforts to keep it under control, by the time Oliver’s lunch break rolled around, he was filled with nervous energy that manifested itself in the form of an intense need to fidget. He picked up his pen from his desk and jiggled it anxiously between his fingers. His phone lit up with a text from Felicity letting him know that Iris was on her way up, and he set the pen back down and tried desperately to compose himself. It took a supreme effort of will not to start wringing his hands in his lap.

Several excruciatingly long moments passed before he heard a knock at his door and Iris poked her head into his office with a tentative “Mr. Queen?”

“Come in,” he said with a smile that he hoped didn’t look as fake as it felt. “And please, call me Oliver. Mr. Queen was my father.”

“Okay,” Iris said, taking a seat opposite his desk from him. “Before we get started, I just wanted you to know that Felicity told me you were feeling apprehensive about this, so I want to do whatever I can to put you at ease. We can take this at whatever pace you’re most comfortable with, and if there’s a question you’d rather not answer, don’t hesitate to let me know. Okay?” Oliver nodded, feeling himself relax, if only a little.

“Okay then,” Iris said. “Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?” She reached into the messenger bag hanging from her shoulder and pulled out a notepad and a pen. Her fingers twitched like she was about to grab something else, but then she stopped and asked “Do you mind if I record this? It’s just in case I miss something when I’m taking down my notes.”

“By all means,” Oliver said, spreading his hands. “Whatever makes your job easier for you.”

“Thank you,” Iris said. She reached into her bag again and rummaged around in it until she withdrew a digital recorder from its depths and set it on the desk in front of her.

“Alright, let’s get started,” she said, and hit the “Record” button.

“To start off, I’d like to thank you for agreeing to meet with me,” she continued, and there was a subtle change in the way she spoke, as if she were addressing an audience. “Word is that you’ve been avoiding the press since your returned, and I’m honored to be the person you chose to speak to.”

“You’re welcome,” Oliver said. “You mention choice, and that’s exactly what this is about for me. I wanted to be able  _ choose  _ when and how my story gets told.”

“Which is completely understandable,” Iris said. “There’s only one aspect of it I’d like to focus on today- your return to civilization. What steps have you been taking to re-adjust to modern life? Any challenges?”

“Well, for starters, I started working here,” Oliver replied, gesturing expansively toward the room in which they sat. “I suppose I should thank my sister for that- she got me the job. More recently, I decided to move into my own place, and I’ve recruited a friend of mine to help me find an apartment.” He smiled at the memory of that day with Felicity. “As for challenges, the biggest one so far has been trying to...distance myself from the person I used to be when there’s reminders of him everywhere I turn. And the people who knew me before...they- well, they still expect me to be him, I think, and most of the time I don’t know how I can make them see that I’m not.”

“I see,” Iris said, nodding thoughtfully to herself. “Now, before we started this, you mentioned your father. Do you feel like your parents left behind a legacy that you’re expected to uphold?”

“See, I don’t know if I’d even call it a legacy,” Oliver said. “That word, to me, implies nothing but good. My parents, they weren’t perfect. They made mistakes, and ultimately those mistakes got them killed. To say that I’m upholding their legacy feels like I’m ignoring those mistakes. And while I’m aware that, as their oldest child, there  _ are _ things expected of me in regards to honoring them that aren’t expected of my sister, all I’m really trying to do- and all I think Thea is really trying to do as well, to be honest- is to honor the good they did while not forgetting that they weren’t perfect, that they were human beings who made mistakes, just like the rest of us. A big part of honoring the dead, to me, is not idolizing them or putting them on a pedestal.”

“If I may say so,” Iris said, “I think your sister is doing a fantastic job of running your family’s company.” 

“Thank you,” Oliver said. “I think so too. I’m told that under her leadership QC’s stock numbers are the highest they’ve ever been.”

“Told by your sister herself, no doubt,” Iris speculated with a smile.

“Of course,” Oliver said with a laugh. “She’s very proud of what she’s accomplished, and so am I. Her business acumen continues to astound me. The thing you need to know about this is that there hasn’t been a moment since Thea was born that I didn’t cherish having her as a sister, and I couldn’t be more proud of the woman she’s become.” He smiled sadly at that, thinking that their parents would have been proud of her too.

“This has been very enlightening,” Iris said, taking a minute to look over her notes. “I think I’ve got everything I need for the time being.” Oliver nodded. Iris turned off the recorder, dropped it and her notepad and pen back into her bag, and stood. 

“Thank you again for agreeing to sit down with me,” she said.

“Don’t thank me, thank Felicity,” Oliver replied. “She’s the one who convinced me that you were someone who could be trusted.” 

“Alright, I’ll do that,” Iris said with a good natured laugh. “Have a good afternoon.” 

“You too,” Oliver said as she left, and by the time she’d disappeared from his sight he felt confident that she was going to be the one to put his story out into the world in the right way.


	13. Chapter 13

The day after Iris returned home to Central City, Felicity woke to an email from her.

_ I’ve attached the article I’ve written about Oliver _ , it read.  _ In case he would like a chance to read it before it gets published. Or, you know, if you would :) _ .  _ P. S. See you at my wedding! _ Felicity groaned and clapped herself on the forehead. She’d completely forgotten about that. It wasn’t that she wasn’t honored that Iris had asked her to be her maid of honor, and excited to play that role- she was- but she was  _ not _ looking forward to the prospect of going to Iris’ wedding alone, even if she was going to be a member of the wedding party. That meant she was going to have to find someone to be her plus one, and she only had a few weeks to do it.

_ You could always ask Oliver _ , a little voice in the back of her mind whispered.

“Uh uh, nope,” she said out loud. “I am definitely  _ not _ doing that.” Invite the friend that she also happened to be in love with to go with her to a  _ wedding _ ? Was she nuts? With her luck, she’d probably end up doing something embarrassing like drinking a little too much champagne during the toasts and babbling all of her feelings to their object. As far as friends she could convince to go to Iris’ wedding with her went, Oliver was out of the question.

With that decided, Felicity took a few minutes to print out the article Iris had sent her, leaving her printer to do its work while she got ready to go, knowing that it would be finished by the time she was. On her way out the door, she slipped the article into a file folder to keep it nice and spent the duration of her trip to work pondering how best to proceed. Eventually, she decided to read the article herself before passing it on to Oliver, not because she didn’t trust Iris, but so that she knew what he could expect when he read it.

The only thing waiting for Felicity when she walked into her office was yesterday’s busywork that her supervisor couldn’t be bothered to finished on time. She sighed and got started on it, hoping to finish it as quickly as possible so she could get to reading Iris’ article. When she did finally get around to reading it, she found it to be concise and thoughtful. It presented an image of Oliver Queen as someone who was working hard to find his new place in the world, and who loved and was proud of his sister above just about everything else, which was accurate, at least in Felicity’s experience. She smiled. She’d had nothing but faith in Iris, but it was still nice to be proven right.

“Here,” Felicity said to Oliver when they met for lunch that day, handing him the file folder with the article in it. “Iris sent me that this morning. It hasn’t been published yet, and she thought you might want a chance to read it before it is.”

“That was considerate of her,” Oliver said, taking the file folder from Felicity. She nodded in agreement, not thinking verbal input necessary at that particular moment. There were a few minutes of silence while Oliver read the article.

“That was very well written,” he said at last. “And very thoughtful. Tell Iris I said thank you.”

“I will,” Felicity said. She watched Oliver close the file folder and set it on his desk, noticing the way he made sure everything on his desk was straight and neat and arranged just so. She guessed that he needed to have his workspace set up a certain way and couldn’t focus or think properly when it was cluttered.

“Speaking of Iris,”she said, “I promised myself I wouldn’t do this, but then I realized that besides Iris and Barry and you, I don’t actually have friends.” It occurred to her only after the fact that Oliver didn’t know who Barry was.

“What is it?” Oliver asked. He looked only mildly curious, which made Felicity feel just a little bit better about the whole situation.

“Iris is getting married in a few weeks,” she said, “and she asked me to be her maid of honor. Anyway, I need a plus one, and I was wondering if maybe you’d go with me?” “As a friend,” she added hastily in response to Oliver’s raised eyebrow. “I promise I’ll return the favor. Your sister’s wedding is coming up, right? I’ll go to it with you, if you want.”

“I have to admit, that’s a very tempting offer,” Oliver said. “I didn’t have the heart to tell Thea this, but I’m really not looking forward to going to her wedding alone. I don’t really have friends either, or at least not friends I can take along with me to a wedding.”

“So?” Felicity asked, gesturing toward herself with a saccharine smile.

“Sure,” Oliver replied. “I’ll go Iris’ wedding with you.” Felicity blinked, taken aback for a moment. For whatever reason, she hadn’t actually been expecting him to agree.

“Thank you so much,” she said. “You’re a lifesaver. It would really suck going alone.”

“But are you really alone if you’re in the wedding party?” Oliver asked, mostly, Felicity suspected, to try and make a point.

“Well, no, not  _ really _ ,” she said. “But you know what I mean.”

“I do,” Oliver said. “I was just giving you a hard time.” Felicity made a face at him, and he laughed. There was something about the way he smiled and the way his bright blue eyes gleamed with humor in that moment that took Felicity’s breath away.

_ Of all of the people I could have fallen in love with... _ she thought bitterly.

“You do have a tux, right?” she asked, attempting to distract herself. Oliver just looked at her.

“Right,” she muttered. “Forgot who I was talking to.”

“Are you alright?” Oliver asked after a moment.

“I’m fine,” Felicity replied, though she was pretty sure he’d know that was a lie. “Why do you ask?”

“You’re doing that crinkly thing with your eyebrows,” Oliver said, gesturing in that direction. “The one you do when something’s bothering you.”

“I’m fine,” Felicity repeated, tension creeping into her voice. Oliver looked like he didn’t believe her, but he didn’t press the issue.

“Alright,” he said with a shrug. “Just know that I’m here if you ever need to talk.” His compassion certainly did him credit, but unfortunately, in this instance, it wasn’t much help.

_ This is the one thing I  _ can’t  _ talk to you about _ , Felicity thought. She knew she couldn’t tell Oliver that, though, so out loud all she said was, “Okay” and left it at that.


	14. Chapter 14

“Thank you again for doing this,” Felicity said, standing next to Oliver at Iris’s wedding reception. They hung back from the crowd, mostly because that was where Oliver had gone. Felicity had just ended up following him.

“No problem,” Oliver said. “It was my pleasure, really.”

“Really?” Felicity asked skeptically. “Because you don’t seem like you’re enjoying yourself all that much.”

“That’s only because the only person here I know is you,” Oliver replied, “and I’m not particularly comfortable surrounded by strangers. But I don’t regret agreeing to come. I can promise you that.” Felicity smiled at that, and Oliver caught his breath. How had he never noticed how beautiful her smile was? It was bright and warm and radiant, like sunlight breaking through clouds.

The ringing sound of a spoon being tapped against a glass distracted him from his thoughts. Over at the bride and groom’s table, the best man stood, brushing his long dark hair away from his face.

“Looks like that’s my cue,” Felicity said. “It’ll be my turn next.” Oliver barely heard the best man’s speech. All of his attention was on Felicity as she made her way around the edges of the crowd to where Iris and her now husband- Barry, if Oliver remembered correctly- sat. He couldn’t believe that he’d been here with her for hours and was just now noticing how beautiful she looked.

“Hey everyone,” she said when she reached Barry and Iris, which happened to coincide with it being her turn to give a toast. A chorus of answering “Hey”s went up from the crowd. “As most of you probably already know, I’ve been friends with Iris for a long time, and through it all she has always been brilliant, passionate, and bold. She’s never been afraid to speak her mind, but in the past, she’d never had much luck finding romantic partners mature enough to not only be able to handle that, but also to love it about her. That is, until she met Barry. Since they started dating, I’ve seen even more of the Iris I know and love, because he’s stood by her and supported her through everything, no matter what. I could not be happier or more excited that they’re about to start their life together. Now, I know that this hardly the first time you’re going to hear this tonight, but please, raise a glass. To Barry and Iris!”

“To Barry and Iris!” the crowd echoed. When the toasting ended and the dancing started, Oliver surprised himself by asking Felicity to dance. She surprised him even more by saying yes.

“Did I tell you that you look beautiful?” he murmured in her ear as they swayed together on the dance floor. “Because you do.” He heard her draw in a sharp, surprised breath.

“Thank you,” she said. Something in her voice made him pull back and study her face.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“I’m fine,” Felicity said. “It’s just...I don’t hear that very often. Or at all. I’m ‘cute’, or ‘pretty’, but never ‘beautiful’. So you surprised me, that’s all.”

“Well, that’s a shame,” Oliver said softly. “Because you _are_ beautiful, Felicity. And it’s more than just your looks. You have this inner light that just radiates out of you, and I can’t believe  that people don’t see it. I can’t believe that _I_ didn’t see it sooner.” He fell silent after that. He found himself trying to decide if Felicity’s eyes had always been that blue, or the color of her dress was just bringing them out. Either way, they were captivating.

“Oliver…” Felicity all but whispered, pulling him away from his musings. He turned his attention back to her, but whatever thought she’d been about to put words to, she didn’t finish.

“What is it?” Oliver prompted. “You know you can tell me anything.” Felicity shook her head.

“Not this,” she said. “I can’t tell you this. Trust me.” 

"Of course I trust you,” Oliver assured her, “but why can't you tell me what's on your mind?”

"Because if I do, our friendship might not ever be the same,” Felicity replied. “In fact, I _know_ that it won't ever be the same, and I value it too much to take that risk. _Please_ , Oliver. Don't ask me to tell you what's on my mind right now.” Her voice turned desperate and pleading. Tears welled up in her eyes, and they hit Oliver like someone had just punched him in the solar plexus- for a second, he couldn't breathe. He hadn't wanted to hurt her. That was the last thing he _ever_ wanted to do.

“I'm sorry,” he said. “I won't ask.” Felicity looked so small and fragile in that moment that he couldn't stop himself from pulling her into his embrace. He held her as the song they'd been dancing to ended, and in the few seconds after.

"You can let go of me now, Oliver,” Felicity whispered, her voice hoarse with an emotion he couldn't name. Oliver did as she asked, pulling back to put a respectful distance between them, not wanting to cross any boundaries. Felicity stood watching him for a moment, her arms wrapped around herself, before turning away and walking off the dance floor. Oliver watched her go, feeling like she was taking part of him with her. It was as though they were standing at a threshold, though what lay beyond it he couldn't have said.

As the night went on, Oliver lost count of the number of times he got glimpses of Felicity amongst the crowd and wanted to pull her aside to have a conversation about whatever it was that had happened between them earlier, but he forced himself not to. He could tell that what she needed right now was space, and he was more than willing to give it to her. He didn't want her memories of her best friend's wedding to be tainted by him forcing her into a conversation that she wasn't ready to have.


	15. Chapter 15

Felicity was already awake when her alarm went off. She hadn’t gotten more than a few hours of sleep last night. She’d been too busy worrying herself into a frenzy over the massive mistake she’d almost made. 

Groaning, she rolled out of bed and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror on her closet door.

“I look like crap,” she mumbled. Her hair was a tangled mess, and the circles under her eyes were so dark that she looked like an exhausted racoon. Thank God she didn’t have to work today. Thank God she’d had the foresight to get the week of Iris’ wedding off. Thank God she didn’t have to be at QC right now, deflecting questions from Oliver. Because she knew he would ask questions. If he were to see her like this, he would know something was wrong, and he would ask her what it was. And she wouldn’t be able to tell him, just like she hadn’t been able to tell him yesterday. But at least he hadn’t pushed her to tell him. Ray would have pushed her, would have badgered her until at last she told him just so that he’d leave her alone. And Cooper would have attempted to maintain interest in her problems until he got distracted by something else, his mind always in a dozen different places at once, leaving her wishing that he  _ had _ pushed her. 

_ Okay, why am I comparing Oliver to my old boyfriends? _ Felicity wondered. But then she realized that she knew exactly why. With a sigh, she padded out into the kitchen without bothering to change out of her pajamas. She set about making coffee and contemplated yesterday’s events while she watched it percolate. She still didn’t know what had possessed her to tell Oliver how she felt about him. But he’d told her that she was beautiful, and something about the earnestness in his eyes, the conviction in his voice, the indication that he really,  _ truly _ meant it, had had her buried emotions rushing to the surface in a wave that had very nearly overwhelmed her. She’d managed to keep them in check, but she’d come so  _ close _ to losing control. And then Oliver had noticed that something was wrong, and when he’d held her...well, she would have been lying if she’d said that she hadn’t wanted to know what that felt like for a very long time. It had felt good, so good that she hadn’t wanted to pull away, but she’d forced herself to ask Oliver to let go of her before she lost her already tenuous hold on the emotions swirling around inside of her.

It didn’t take Felicity long to realize that she’d allowed herself to fall into a thought spiral. That happened to her sometimes when she was struggling with something, and she knew that if she didn’t talk to someone she’d be caught in this loop for hours. Obviously she couldn’t talk to Oliver, but there was someone else she could turn to for help with this. 

Iris’ phone went straight to voicemail. Of course- no surprises there. She and Barry were probably on their way to their honeymoon right now, if they weren’t already there.

“Hey Iris,” Felicity said when she heard the beep that meant she needed to record her message. “I know you and Barry are probably on your honeymoon by now, but I really need to talk to you. So yeah. Call me back when you get this. Bye.” Her voice wavered. She hung up quickly before she started crying and took a deep breath to steady herself. She’d left Iris a message. All she could do now was wait.

Felicity had finally gotten dressed and brushed her hair and was on her third cup of coffee when her phone rang, Iris’ face filling the screen. She nearly dropped it in her haste to answer.

“Hey,” she said, mock casual.

“Are you okay?” Iris asked, not bothering with an answering greeting. “You sounded like you were about to cry in that message you left.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Felicity said, though she was decidedly  _ not _ fine, and she knew that both of them knew it. “It’s just...something happened at your wedding reception yesterday.”

“What was it?” Iris asked. “Did someone harass you? Whose ass do I have to kick?”

“Mine,” Felicity replied in a mumble. “I uh… I almost told Oliver how I feel about him.”

“That’s awesome!” Iris exclaimed, apparently only hearing part of that sentence. “I’m so proud of you!” A pause, then she asked “Wait, what do you mean ‘almost’?”

“I stopped myself at the last second,” Felicity explained, “but  _ God _ , why did I even  _ consider  _ it? How could I even  _ think _ of doing something so stupid?”

“Why would telling Oliver how you feel be stupid?” Iris asked.

“Because I don’t know if he feels the same way,” Felicity replied. “In fact, I don’t think there’s any way he  _ could _ feel the same way.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Lis,” Iris said. She didn’t often use that nickname, but when she did it was always said with the same affectionate exasperation that was in her voice now. “I saw the way he looked at you whenever you were turned away yesterday. He feels the same way about you as you do about him. He may not know it yet, but he does.”

“I  _ really  _ wish I found that reassuring,” Felicity said. “But I don’t. I can’t. I don’t need speculation. I need to be sure.”

“And until you’re sure of Oliver’s feelings you aren’t going to risk your friendship with him by revealing yours,” Iris supplied. 

“You know me too well,” Felicity said with the smallest of smiles.

“You’re damn right I do,” Iris replied, sounding pleased with herself. “I don’t think I need to remind you how long we’ve been friends.”

“You're right,” Felicity said. “You don't.”

“But anyway, I know you're having a hard time with it right now,” Iris went on, “but things with Oliver will work themselves out. You just need to give it time.”

“I hope you're right,” Felicity said.

“I am,” Iris replied. “You'll see.” With those words, she hung up, and Felicity  _ did _ find herself feeling at least marginally better about things.


	16. Chapter 16

Oliver couldn’t believe the day was finally here. His baby sister was getting married, and in the absence of their father, he was the one walking her down the aisle to symbolically give her away to Roy. Only the feeling of Thea’s arm looped through his made this seem like anything more than a dream.

When they reached the end of the aisle, where Roy was waiting, Oliver handed Thea off to him with a nod that he hoped said _Take care of her_. Roy answered with a nod of his own. Oliver took that as his cue to slip discreetly away, into the seat Felicity had saved for him by her side. He glanced over and saw that on the other side of him were two chairs bedecked with ribbons, empty except for framed photographs of his mother and father set on their seats. Oliver allowed himself a small smile. It seemed only appropriate that, in some small way, the entire Queen family was together for Thea’s wedding.

The ceremony itself passed by in a blur. Oliver was sure that later he would remember every moment in perfect detail, but for now it seemed like mere minutes passed before the minister was pronouncing Roy and Thea husband and wife and they were kissing each other with joyous smiles while the wedding guests cheered. They stood as Roy and Thea made their way down the aisle and out of the building hand in hand, then filed out after them, row by row, everyone now on their way to the reception. Without thinking, Oliver slipped his hand into Felicity’s so as not to lose her in the crush of people. He couldn’t be sure, but he thought he heard her gasp quietly at the contact. Nevertheless, he didn’t let go of her hand until they’d made it to the car and were on their way.  
Most likely because this time he actually knew people there, but Oliver found himself enjoying himself much more at this wedding reception than the last one he’d been to, even with the stand out experience of having danced with Felicity at that one. He even mingled, which he hadn’t done at the West-Allen wedding reception, taking Felicity around with him to introduce her to people that he knew, some of whom he hadn’t seen in several years. When he ran into Dig, who he’d invited- with Thea’s permission- but hadn’t really been expecting to come, he left with Felicity him after extracting a promise from him that he would watch out for her and make her feel welcome and went to go talk to his sister and her husband.

Oliver lost track of how much time he whiled away in conversation with Thea and Roy, until it was cut short by a text from Dig- _I think you’d better come get your friend._ He excused himself and went looking for Felicity. He found her among Thea’s bridesmaids, chattering animatedly and gesturing with the half empty glass of champagne in her hand while Dig looked on, a bemused expression on his face.

“-and the big dumb pine tree is so bad at feelings that he can’t see what’s right in front of him,” Felicity was saying as Oliver approached. His gut twisted when he realized she was talking about him. Though what was right in front of him that he couldn’t see, he didn’t know.

“Oliver!” Felicity exclaimed when she spotted him, her face lighting up in a way that caught him off guard. He couldn’t imagine why she’d be so happy to see him. “We were just talking about you!” Thea’s bridesmaids laughed.

“Felicity,” Oliver said, concern edging his voice. He glanced at the glass in her hand and asked “How many glasses of champagne have you had?”

“I don’t know, I lost count,” Felicity said, frowning. “But it couldn’t have been more than three or four. I’m a lightweight.” She giggled at that, but the humor of her statement was lost on Oliver.

“Let me take you home,” he said, his voice coming out soft, little more than a whisper. Felicity grinned suggestively at him.

“Not...like...that,” Oliver stammered, feeling his face get hot. “I just meant-” He sighed and tried again. “Let me take you home before something happens to you.” After a moment, Felicity nodded and allowed him to lead her gently out the door.

During the drive to Felicity’s apartment, Oliver found himself repeatedly glancing over at her drowsing in the passenger seat of his car. By the time he pulled up to the curb outside of her building, she was fast asleep. She was a sleepy drunk, apparently. Oliver filed that information away, in case it might be relevant later.

Moving around to the passenger side, Oliver lifted Felicity gently out of the car and carried her, bridal style, into her building and up to her apartment. He fumbled for her keys, which were hanging from a keyring clipped to her purse, for a moment before managing to get ahold of them and get the door open, nudging it shut again with his foot as he stepped through.

Making his way to the bedroom, Oliver shifted Felicity in his arms to pull back the covers on her bed, then set her gently down on it and pulled the covers back up to her shoulders. He paused, captivated and caught off guard. Felicity was beautiful. Oliver had told her as much at Iris’s wedding reception and as such was something he couldn’t deny- not even to himself anymore- but in that moment, she was something more than simply beautiful. She looked...peaceful. Serene. Feeling fondness steal over him, Oliver leaned down, brushed Felicity’s hair away from her face, and kissed her on the forehead before retreating to her living room and settling in for a night spent on her couch, so that he would be there for her if she needed anything, and he could be sure that she would be okay.


	17. Chapter 17

Felicity woke in her bed, with a pounding headache and only hazy memories of the night before. She vaguely recalled someone carrying her into her apartment, and being tucked in with a kiss on her forehead like she was seven years old again, but beyond that there was nothing.

Drawn out of her room by curiosity piqued by the scent and sound of frying bacon, Felicity stumbled to a halt when she reached the end of the hall. Oliver was in her kitchen. Making breakfast. Shirtless.

“Oliver,” she stammered, her mental gears grinding slowly into motion. “What- did we-”

“Felicity, relax,” Oliver interjected before she could ramble herself into a panic. “You had a little too much champagne at the wedding reception, so I drove you home and slept on your couch to make sure you’d be okay. Nothing else happened last night, I promise.” His expression turned dark and he muttered, “I could never take advantage of you like that,” so quietly that Felicity was sure she hadn’t been meant to hear it. She glanced over at her living room in an attempt to distract herself and saw the blanket on her couch, bundled up in such a way as to suggest that someone had been sleeping under it not too long before. That someone being Oliver, apparently. She looked back over at him and her gaze caught on the scars marking his skin in a dozen different places. When she’d first met him, she’d let her curiosity get the better of her and had employed skills she hadn’t used since her college hacktivism days to break into his medical records, so she knew that he had scar tissue on twenty percent of his body, and twelve fractures that had never properly healed- and indeed, she could see that he had an odd sort of twist in part of his collarbone, like it had broken in that spot and hadn’t set back together right- but it was the scars that held her attention. She understood, conceptually, how much twenty percent was, but she hadn’t known what it  _ looked _ like. She hadn’t expected that visually it amounted to scars so numerous that she quickly lost track trying to count them. She couldn’t even imagine what he must have endured to earn them.

“You’re staring,” Oliver said softly, drawing Felicity’s eyes level with his.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I just-”

“They don’t horrify you,” Oliver said as if she hadn’t spoken, cutting her explanation short. “Everyone,  _ everyone _ , who’s ever seen my scars has been horrified by them, but not you. Why?”

“Why should I be?” Felicity asked, with a levity she didn’t feel. “I didn’t know you before you had them. To me, they’re as much a part of you as your height or the color of your eyes. What’s more, they prove to me just how strong you truly are. You must have endured  _ terrible _ things to have so many.” Oliver looked shocked, and only nodded in response to Felicity’s words. After today, she knew, she would blame her burst of honesty on the fact that she’d just woken up and was still hungover. It was easier to face her feelings when she could to pretend that she’d only shared them because she wasn’t entirely in control of herself.

“I made breakfast,” Oliver said, unnecessarily, clearly just trying to break the tension. “And there’s fresh coffee in the pot.” Felicity nodded.

“Thank you,” she managed, her voice coming out in a whisper.

“Of course,” Oliver replied, stepping aside to get out of her way as she entered the kitchen. Her coffee maker was on the opposite side of the kitchen from the counter that functioned as her dining table, and she felt strangely vulnerable standing there in her pajamas with her back to Oliver while she poured coffee into her favorite mug. She hopped up onto the barstool beside his in a move that could in no way shape or form be considered graceful, and they ate their breakfasts in silence. Felicity wrapped her hands around her mug, feeling the heat leach from it into the skin of her palms. She watched the steam curling off of her coffee so that she would have an excuse not to look at Oliver, because she couldn’t bring herself to turn her gaze in his direction. She realized that she was afraid that if she did, she would meet those bright blue eyes of his, and she feared what she might see in them.

“Where did you learn to cook?” she asked when the silence between them became unbearable, casting about for a topic that didn’t feel fraught with conversational landmines.

“There’s this woman, Raisa, who works for my family,” Oliver said. “Has for as long as I can remember. She taught me. When I was growing up, whenever my parents were fighting, I would go and watch her work in the kitchen because I found it soothing. Eventually she started teaching me what she knew, because, as she put it, if I was going to be constantly underfoot, she might as well put me to work.” Felicity had a sudden mental image of a young Oliver working side by side with this woman she had never met, and the thought made her smile.

“Seems like she was a pretty good teacher,” she remarked. 

“The best,” Oliver agreed, a smile in his voice. There was a pause, then he asked “Felicity, why won’t you look at me?” His voice had turned somber, and tinged with worry. It was the worry that made Felicity finally turn and meet his eyes.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I think...I think I was afraid that by talking about your scars, I’d dredged up bad memories for you, and when I looked into your eyes… all I would see was pain. You probably know this about me already, but I can’t stand to see the people I care about hurting, especially if I can’t do anything to help them.” Oliver blinked.

“You care about me?” he asked. For some reason, he seemed surprised by the revelation.

“Of course I do,” Felicity replied. “You’re my friend.” She did her best to ignore the twinge of pain she felt when she said “friend”. She’s already stabbed a knife into her own heart when she’d accepted that Oliver would likely never feel the same way about her as she did about him. She didn’t know why she insisted on twisting it whenever she was around him.

“I’m sorry,” Oliver murmured, distracting Felicity from her dark thoughts. She had an instant to wonder what he was apologising for before he continued. “I shouldn’t have been surprised by that- you’ve never given me any reason to doubt it- but sometimes, considering the person I am now, it can be...hard to believe that people care about me. That they  _ can _ care about me.” Felicity didn’t respond. She knew that Oliver wasn’t expecting a response, that he just wanted her to understand. And she did, at least somewhat. More silence followed Oliver’s confession. Breakfast finished, Felicity got up and took their empty plates to the sink.

“I should go,” Oliver said abruptly from behind her.

“You don’t have to,” Felicity replied, voice quiet. Oliver didn’t immediately respond, like he was thinking it over, and for a moment Felicity allowed herself to imagine what it might be like to spend an entire day with him outside of work, their time uninterrrupted. 

“I would love to stay here for the rest of the day,” Oliver said, and Felicity sensed a ‘but’ coming even before he said, “but I really should be getting home. Thea’s probably wondering where I am, and anyway I should give you some time alone to rest and recover. I doubt you’re feeling one hundred percent right now.”

“I’m not,” Felicity conceded, turning to face him. “But I don’t need to be alone to get that way. I thought we were real friends, not just work friends, but we’ve never really spent any time together outside of work.” It was a struggle to frame her desire that Oliver stay in a strictly platonic context.

“Maybe some other time,” Oliver said, with a wistful smile that suggested he really did regret having to leave.

“Some other time,” Felicity agreed, and tried not to let her regret show as she watched Oliver leave.


	18. Chapter 18

“Alright, so I think I’ve narrowed it down to three options,” Oliver said, sitting with Felicity in Big Belly Burger during their lunch break, three days after Thea’s wedding. They’d both been eager for things to go back to normal, neither wanting to talk about the events of that morning in Felicity’s apartment, or to confront how those events might change their relationship if they let them. For Oliver, “normal” included continuing to consult Felicity as he searched for his own place to live.

“And you need me for what exactly?” Felicity asked around a mouthful of food.

“I wanted to hear your thoughts,” Oliver replied. Felicity shook her head. 

“My opinion doesn’t matter here,” she said. “You’re the one who’s going to be living in whatever place you choose, not me.” Her gaze drifted toward the door.

“Shit!” she exclaimed suddenly, startling Oliver with both the language and the vehemence of its usage. He followed her eyeline to a tall, vaguely smarmy looking guy with dark hair standing near the door. He was scanning the faces of the people in the restaurant as if looking for someone.

“Who is that?” Oliver asked.

“That’s Ray Palmer,” Felicity answered, leaning close to him to whisper conspiratorially. “He’s my ex. What the hell is he doing here? How did he even find me?” She seemed  to be asking herself those questions rather than expecting any sort of answer to them. Oliver eyed Ray as he continued searching the restaurant, wondering what he had done to cause Felicity to have this reaction to his presence. He seemed harmless enough, but there were few things in this world that Oliver trusted more than Felicity’s instincts.

“Hide me,” Felicity said when Ray’s gaze drifted in their direction, sounding panicky. She made as if to duck behind Oliver’s chair, putting him between herself and Ray’s line of sight, but too late. He’d spotted her. 

“Felicity!” he called eagerly, waving a hand over his head by way of greeting. As he made his way over to their table, Felicity slid back into her chair, and Oliver saw her take a moment to gather her composure.

“Hi Ray,” she said when he reached them at last, her tone betraying nothing.

“Hi,” Ray replied. “I’m so glad I caught you.” To Oliver’s ears, he sounded like a puppy that had been given the power of speech- overtly eager and way too damn cheerful.

“How did you even know I was here?” Felicity asked. 

“I...may have pinged your phone,” Ray said. The smile he offered her was sheepish and hopeful, as if her were thinking she might find that endearing. Oliver’s gut twisted.

“What do you want, Ray?” Felicity asked, her non reaction to what he’d just told her so obviously deliberate that Oliver wondered how he didn’t pick up on it. 

“To give you this,” Ray replied cheerfully, holding a piece of embossed cardstock out to Felicity.

“It’s an invitation to my wedding,” he explained after a minute of Felicity staring at it without taking it.

“I’m not going to your wedding, Ray,” Felicity said. Her tone was neutral, but Oliver clocked the tension in her posture and prepared himself to intervene if Ray didn’t take the hint. “I think I’ve had more than my fill of weddings for the time being.”

“Please just take it,” Ray implored, waving the invitation back and forth. “In case you change your mind.”

“She  _ said _ she isn’t going, Ray,” Oliver cut in. His voice came out in a harsh, rumbling growl, startling everyone present, including himself. He wasn’t sure where that anger had come from. He clenched his hands into fists to stop them shaking, which seemed to have the added effect of scaring Ray, because he tossed the invitation down on the table and fled as though he was being chased.

The background chatter of the restaurant filtered in through the roaring in Oliver’s ears, and he realized that Felicity was staring at him. He took her hand under the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Her eyes widened at the unexpected contact, but she gave him a grateful smile.

“Do you want me to throw that away for you?” Oliver asked, nodding to the invitation on the table.

“No, that’s okay,” Felicity replied. “Thank you though.” She glanced at the time on her phone and said, “We should probably get going.” Oliver nodded and followed her to the door.

“Are we not going to talk about what happened back there?” he asked as they left the restaurant behind, headed back to QC. Felicity shook her head.

“I don’t  _ want _ to talk about it,” she said. “There’s nothing  _ to _ talk about. Ray and I broke up three years ago, but I guess he never got the memo.” She quickened her pace, pulling ahead.

“Felicity!” Oliver called, taking advantage of his longer strides to keep even with her. He grabbed her arm and turned her around to face him. “Why the hell didn’t you get a restraining order?”

“Because he wasn’t dangerous,” Felicity snapped, yanking her arm out of Oliver’s grip. “Just a nuisance.”

“For God’s sake, Felicity, he tracked you here!” Oliver said, aware that he was shouting but unable to stop himself. “I think that classifies him as dangerous!”

“And I’m perfectly capable of dealing with him on my own!” Felicity shouted right back. “Why do you care so much anyway?” Oliver blinked, taken aback by the question. 

“Because...I care about you,” he said, voice quiet, exactly the opposite of what it had been just a minute before. “You’re my friend.”

“Really?” Felicity demanded. Her gaze had gone flinty. “Is that what I am? Because right now you’re not acting like my  _ friend _ . You’re acting like a jealous boyfriend.”

“No...I’m not,” Oliver said hesitantly, bewildered. Was he? Felicity narrowed her eyes and settled into a defensive posture. She studied Oliver for a moment, looking like there was something she wanted to say to him, then shook her head angrily, apparently deciding against it, turned on her heel, and stalked away.

“Felicity!” he called after her. “Felicity, wait!” It was too late. She was gone.

For the next several days, Felicity avoided Oliver at work. She ignored his text messages, and on the few occasions when, out of sheer desperation and at a loss as to what else to do, he’d tried to call her, her phone had gone straight to voicemail. It was clear that she didn’t want to talk to him, or, it seemed, even to see him. It hurt to not be able to be around her- much more than he would have expected it to- but he understood. She was right- he hadn’t acted like her friend. He’d overstepped, and with her not speaking to him, he didn’t know how to fix things between them. He needed advice, the kind he couldn’t get from Thea or Tommy or anyone near his own age. He needed advice from someone older, wiser, more experienced. He only knew one person who fit that description. He picked up his phone for the hundredth time that day, but this time not in another desperate attempt to get Felicity to talk to him. This time, he picked up his phone to call John Diggle.

Dig met him at home on a Saturday, at the end of what had been the longest week of his life, what with Felicity not speaking to him and just avoiding him in general. They sat at the kitchen island, talking over steaming cups of coffee. Raisa was elsewhere in the house, Oliver knew, or else she would have protested them invading her space.

“ Now walk me through what happened,” Dig said, taking a sip of his coffee. Oliver launched into an account of what had transpired regarding Ray Palmer’s wedding invitation. 

“And now she’s not speaking to me,” he finished. “I know that I made a mistake, and I want to fix it, but with her avoiding me the way she is, I don’t know how.” Dig didn’t answer for a long time. 

“Oliver, I think it’s pretty obvious that you love this girl,” he finally said.

“What? That’s insane,” Oliver protested. “I don’t-” Dig cut him off with a skeptical look.

“I was at your sister’s wedding reception,” he reminded him. “I saw the way you were looking at her after I texted you to come and get her. And you said yourself that she was right about you not acting like her friend. Going off of what you told me, your actions demonstrate a concern for Felicity that goes deeper than the kind you’d feel for a friend.” Oliver didn’t immediately respond, too busy mulling his words over. It took only a minute for him to realize that he was right. It was embarrassing that it had taken his feelings being laid out in terms of cold, hard logic for him to finally accept them.

“You’re right,” he said at last. Dig nodded, seeming unsurprised that he’d come to that conclusion.

“The question is,” he said, “now that you’ve realized how you feel, what are you going to do about it?”


	19. Chapter 19

More than anything, Felicity was surprised by how much being away from Oliver hurt, especially since she was doing it voluntarily. She just need space, and time to try and understand why he didn’t seem to trust her to know her own limits, to know when a situation had gotten out of her control and she needed to ask for help. His reaction to Ray’s actions had been completely unreasonable. He hadn’t even given her a  _ chance _ to explain that Ray had never gone to such an extreme before, and the fact that he had was very out of character for him.

Head down, eyes on her phone, absorbed in those thoughts, Felicity collided with someone so hard that it actually knocked her backwards a step. 

“Oh my God!” she said. “I’m so sorry! I totally didn’t-” The words died in her throat when she saw who she’d run into.

“Oliver,” she said dully.

“Felicity,” Oliver replied. There was an emotion in his voice that she couldn’t quite identify. “Can I talk to you? Somewhere private?” Felicity shrugged.

“I guess,” she said. Oliver took her hand, his fingers intertwining with hers still somehow the most natural thing in the world, and led her down the hall a ways before stopping. When she saw where he had stopped, a snort of laughter escaped her before she could stop it.

“A supply closet?” she asked. “You sure you want to talk and not just take me in there to have your way with me?” She hoped her tone made it clear that she was joking. Oliver smirked, his eyes crinkling up at their corners.

“‘Have my way with you’?” He quoted back to her, not quite laughing. “Did you suddenly turn into the heroine in a Victorian romance novel?”

“I’m not ashamed to admit that I read quite a few of those in my lonelier years,” she replied. Oliver smiled, again with an emotion that Felicity couldn’t name. She couldn’t get a read on him, which puzzled her. She hadn’t been avoiding him so long that she should have lost that skill.

“I promise I just want to talk,” Oliver said, leading Felicity into the supply closet. She noticed that he didn’t turn on the light, but did leave the door open.

“What was so personal that you had to talk to me in a supply closet, anyway?” Felicity asked, turning to face Oliver, still tethered to him by their joined hands. “What is it that couldn’t be said out in the hall?” Oliver let go of her hand, but didn’t respond.

“Oliver-” she began.

“I love you,” Oliver said suddenly, cutting her sentence short before it had a chance to be anything more than half formed.

“You-” she tried again.

“Felicity, I love you,” Oliver said, interrupting her a second time. “Do you understand?” Felicity didn’t answer immediately. Joy warred with confusion and anger in her heart. Oliver looked so earnest, and hopeful, and she wanted to say yes. She wanted to fall into his arms like one of those romance novel heroines that they’d been joking about earlies and kiss him until they were both senseless. But she couldn’t, and she couldn’t tell him that she understood because it would be a lie.

“No,” she said at last, shaking her head. “No, I don’t understand. You completely overreact to Ray’s actions, to the point where you don’t even give me a  _ chance _ to explain that they were completely out of character for him, you apparently don’t trust me to know what my own limits are, I don’t see you for a week and a half because of that, and all of a sudden you’re telling me that you love me? It doesn’t make sense.” For a moment, there was silence. Oliver just stood there, staring at her, looking as stunned as if she’d just struck him.

“Felicity,” he said, voice soft, eyes sad. “If you would just give me a chance to explain-”

“Not right now,” Felicity interrupted. “Whatever the explanation is, I can’t hear it right now. I need- I need time. And space.” She stepped past him, out into the hallway, leaving him standing dumbfounded in the closet behind her.

“So let me get this straight,” Iris said over the phone sometime later. “You told me that you needed to be sure of Oliver’s feelings before you would feel comfortable with or even consider acting on your own. He gives you that, and you...what? Reject him?”

“I didn’t reject him,” Felicity said, more defensively than she intended. “I told him that I needed time.”

          “You know that from his perspective that might be the same thing, right?” Iris asked. “You've already been avoiding him for a week and a half, and now you’ve told him that you need time. Oliver seems like the kind of person who would be willing to wait for you, but for how long? How long until he thinks that his feelings for you must not be reciprocated?”

“Hopefully we'll never have to find out,” Felicity replied. “It just doesn't make any sense, Iris. It was so sudden. It practically came out of nowhere.”

“I guarantee it’s not nearly as sudden as it seems,” Iris said sagely. “I told you when you called me the day after my wedding that Oliver feels the same way about you as you do about him. He just didn’t know it yet.”

“Yes, but-” Felicity started to say.

“And now he knows,” Iris breezed on, cutting her off. “But you’re still troubled. I thought you’d be happy about this. Isn’t it the exact thing you wanted to happen?”

“I  _ am  _ happy,” Felicity insisted. “Or… I would be, if I wasn’t so conflicted.”

“What’s there to be conflicted about?” Iris asked. There was no judgement in her tone, only genuine curiosity. “This is what you wanted. Oliver loves you, and you love him. It seems pretty straightforward to me.”

“If his reaction to what Ray did showed me anything,” Felicity explained, “it’s that Oliver doesn’t trust me, and how can he love me if he doesn’t trust me? How are we supposed to be able to sustain a long-term relationship if he doesn’t trust me?”

“Oh Felicity,” Iris said sympathetically. “It’s not you Oliver doesn’t trust, it’s Ray. If he went to that extreme once, who’s to say he won’t again? Who’s to say he won’t hurt you next time? I’m sure that’s why Oliver reacted the way he did- because he was afraid of what Ray might do to you while he’s not there to protect you. Even if he didn’t know it yet, he cares so much about you that the thought of losing you or you getting hurt terrified him. Still does, I’m sure. Maybe even more now.”

“How do you know so much about how Oliver thinks?” Felicity asked, awestruck.

“I don’t,” Iris replied, and Felicity somehow knew that she was shrugging, “but  _ you _ do, and the fact that you were so quick to agree with what were really nothing more than guesses tells me that deep down you’d already come to those conclusions yourself. You just needed to hear someone else say them.” Felicity didn’t respond to that, because it was true.

“When did you become so wise?” she asked instead.

“Haven’t I always been?” Iris said, answering Felicity’s question with one of her own. It wasn’t conceit that made her ask it- she was known by many for being wise beyond her years.

“Good point,” Felicity said in a small voice.

“You know what you have to do now, right?” Iris asked.

“Yes,” Felicity confirmed.

“Good,” Iris said firmly, with the sort of tone that implied that she was nodding to herself in satisfaction, and ended the call, leaving Felicity to wonder exactly how she was going to go about doing what needed to be done.


	20. Chapter 20

Besides Dig, there was one other person Oliver trusted to give him advice about his love life. With everything that had happened yesterday, right now he needed that advice to come from a perspective that Dig could not offer him. He needed to talk to his sister. 

He found Thea in her room with her door slightly ajar. She was curled up in a ball on her bed, reading a book.

“Thea?” Oliver asked, rapping gently on the doorframe to get her attention. “Can I talk to you? I need some advice.”

“Of course, Ollie,” Thea said, sitting up and setting her book aside. “What’s up?”

“Before I explain that, there’s something I have to tell you first,” Oliver replied, entering Thea’s room with much less surety than he normally would have and perching on the edge of her bed. “You see, the thing is- I’m not really sure how say this, but I...what I’m trying to say is-”

“Spit it out, Ollie,” Thea interjected gently.

“I’m in love with Felicity,” Oliver managed at last, the simple way in which he said it belying the complicated path by which he had come to that realization. Thea stared at him for a moment, then burst out laughing.

“Why are you laughing?” Oliver asked, his eyebrows creasing together. “It’s not funny.”

“No, it’s not,” Thea agreed. “What  _ is _ funny is that it took you this long to figure it out. I could have told you that you were in love with Felicity months ago.”

“So why didn’t you?” Oliver asked. Thea shrugged.

“You never asked,” she said. After a pause, she asked “Anyway, you said you needed advice?” Oliver nodded.

“It’s about Felicity,” he said. “Yesterday, at work, I told her how I feel, and… I don’t think she feels the same way.”

“What makes you say that?” Thea asked.

“Well, she told me she needed time,” Oliver said

“And that makes you think that she’s rejected you why?” Thea wanted to know.

“Because she’d already been avoiding me for a week and a half,” Oliver replied.

“Well then no wonder she said she needed time!” Thea exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air in apparent exasperation. “She hasn’t seen or talked to you in over a week and all of a sudden you spring an ‘I love you’ on her? For God’s sake, Ollie, ease into things a little bit! I know you tend to dive into things head first, but not everyone is you. From what I’ve been able to gather about Felicity, she seems like the kind to consider every move carefully before she makes it. So it’s no wonder you spooked her.”

“So what should I do?” Oliver asked. 

“The only thing you can do now is wait,” Thea replied sagely. “Let Felicity come to you when she’s ready. The ball’s in her court now. It’s up to her to decide how she wants the relationship between you two to proceed.”

“What would I ever do without you, Speedy?” Oliver asked with a fond smile.

“I think we established the last time you asked me that that the answer is probably not anything good,” Thea replied, returning Oliver’s smile.

“That’s right,” Oliver remembered. “And it’s just as true now as it was then.” Thea laughed at that. Oliver smiled, kissed her on the forehead in a gesture of silent thanks, and left her to her reading.

He was only a little surprised to run into Felicity in the lobby as he was arriving at work the next day. It was early enough in the day that he couldn’t tell if she was coming or going, but considering the circumstances, he would have been willing to hazard a guess that she had been waiting for him.

“Can I talk to you?” Felicity asked when he reached her. He nodded and guided her off to the side, away from the crowd, with a hand on her elbow.

“Look, about the other day-” Felicity started to say, turning to face Oliver.

“You don’t need to explain yourself,” Oliver interjected. “I understand. Or at least I do now. The thing is...I tend to dive into things head first, but not everyone is me. And I see now that what I told you...it kind of came out of nowhere, so if I freaked you out or made you feel uncomfortable in any way, I’m sorry.” Felicity shook her head.

“You did weird me out a little bit,” she said, “but the thing is...I miss you.”

“You miss me,” Oliver repeated. For some reason, he wasn’t sure he’d heard that right. Felicity nodded.

“I know not being around you was my choice,” she said, “but it hurt, much more than I’d expected it to. Not talking to you for a week and a half- well, to put it simply, it sucked and I never want to do it again.”

“I’m sorry for the way I acted,” Oliver said, referring to why Felicity had been avoiding him in the first place. “I was way out of line. You were right- I wasn’t acting like your friend.” Felicity winced, but whether in sympathy or self-recrimination, Oliver couldn’t tell.

“Well, let’s just say that I can’t really be mad at you about it anymore,” she said. “Knowing the reason why.” 

“Should we just agree to put it behind us then?” Oliver asked, unable to keep a hopeful tone out of his voice. Felicity nodded.

“About that other thing…” she said, trailing off.

“You said you needed time,” Oliver recalled, his tone neutral. “And space.”

“I did,” Felicity agreed. “And I don't need any more space, but I think I might need more time.”

“Oh?” Oliver asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Everything's out in the open now,” Felicity replied, “and that's great, it's just…”

“Just what?” Oliver prompted gently.

“I don't know if I’m ready for things to change,” Felicity said. “Your friendship means a lot to me, enough that I'm not sure I want to take the chance of losing it if things between us go south. Not yet.” She bit her bottom lip anxiously, her eyes downcast, glancing sideways up at Oliver as if afraid of what she would see if she looked directly at him.

“Hey,” he said softly, cupping her cheek with one hand and gently tilting her head upwards to look her in the eyes. “It's okay. I understand. Take all the time you need.” Felicity leaned into his touch, in a way that suggested she didn't know she was doing it.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“You’re welcome,” Oliver said with a smile. “And just so you know, I would wait for you forever.”


	21. Chapter 21

“I can’t believe you made a chart,” Iris said from where she sat cross-legged on Felicity’s couch, studying the notebook balanced on her knee with intense concentration. She had a hand over her mouth to stifle a grin, and her dark eyes gleamed with amusement.

“It’s not  _ funny _ , Iris,” Felicity huffed, resting her hands on her hips.

“Actually, it kind of is,” Iris argued. “And you said that  _ Oliver _ is the one who sucks at feelings. It’s a good thing I’m here.” When she’d heard about how the situation with Oliver had progressed, she’d declared that she was getting on the next train to Starling City and had shown up outside Felicity’s door that morning with the sort of look in her eyes that Felicity knew from long experience knew meant there’d be no moving her off of her current course.

“I didn’t ask you to come,” she mumbled.

“No, you didn’t,” Iris agreed. “But clearly, you need me here right now. I’m amazed that you thought laying this all out in neat little rows would help. It’s your feelings, Felicity, not some piece of complicated code.”

“That’s what it  _ feels _ like,” Felicity said defensively. “And anyway, I had to get my thoughts down on paper. They were too messy and tangled in my head to make sense of.”

“I don’t think you’re getting the point I’m trying to make,” Iris said. “This isn’t a problem you can approach with cold logic. Relationships are about what you feel in here”- She put a hand over her heart- “Not what you think in here”- She pointed to her temple. Felicity stared at her in silence, for some reason not quite comprehending what she was getting at. Iris sighed.

“What is your heart telling you?” she asked, not ungently.

“I don’t know,” Felicity replied, a note of distress creeping into her voice. “It’s led me astray so many times that I’m not sure I know  _ how _ to follow it anymore. Or that I even want to.”

“Alright, then let me try and lay it out for you,” Iris said in a soothing tone, trying to calm her friend. After a pause, she asked “Do you love Oliver?”

“Yes,” Felicity answered without hesitation.

“And does he love you?”

“Yes.”

“Then what’s the big deal? Make a move. Get your ass out there and go get your man.”

“ _ Iris _ ,” Felicity pleaded, sitting down on the couch and taking Iris’ hands in hers. “Iris,  _ please _ . You don’t understand. If I do this, if I take that step,  _ I could lose Oliver. _ I can’t lose him, Iris. I can’t. I-” Her voice cracked. Her breath hitched as she fought down the tears suddenly threatening to choke her.

“Hey, calm down, it’s going to be okay,” Iris reassured her, her eyebrows creasing together with concern. “What do you mean, you could lose Oliver if you take that next step?”

“His friendship is really important to me,” Felicity managed to explain between deep, calming breaths. “And I’m afraid that if we date and things go south between us, and we break up, that friendship will end up as collateral damage. As much as I want to be with Oliver in... _ that _ way-”

“Romantically?” Iris interjected. Felicity nodded.

“Yes,” she confirmed. “But I don’t know if it’s worth the risk of our friendship ending.”

“And you’ve told Oliver all of this?” Iris asked. Felicity nodded, though she knew that she had already told her something to that effect, though not, until now, the whole story.

“And what did he say?” Iris asked.

“He told me to take all the time I need to figure it out,” Felicity replied. “And he said he’d wait for me forever.” Iris whistled, a grin spreading across her face.

“Wow, looks like you’ve got yourself a keeper,” she said. “Do you have any idea how rare it is for a guy to express that level of commitment, let alone be willing to follow through on it?”

“Barry would,” Felicity pointed out.

“Yes, but that’s not the point,” Iris said dismissively, though she smiled fondly at the mention of her husband. “Barry’s not like most guys. And neither, it seems, is Oliver.” Felicity smiled in spite of herself at the thought.

“Ah, there’s that beautiful smile of yours,” Iris said with a smile of her own.

“Oh, stop,” Felicity said with a laugh, swatting Iris on the arm. Her face felt warm, and she was sure that she was blushing.

“Never,” Iris replied, flashing her a grin. “Getting a smile out of you when you’re feeling down is a best friend duty that I take very seriously.” After a pause, she said, “Getting back to the matter at hand though, I really think you should just go for it. From what you’ve told me about the state of things between you and Oliver, I can’t think of any reason why a romantic relationship between the two of you wouldn’t work. And besides, what’s life without a little risk?”

“Safer, typically,” Felicity muttered. “Less likely to lead to heartbreak.” Iris cast an exasperated look in her direction.

“Come on, Felicity,” she said. “You know what I mean. You’ve got the chance at what could be an amazing relationship sitting right there in front of you, but if you don’t  _ take _ that chance, you’ll never know.”

“You make a valid point,” Felicity admitted. “But I’m not…” She trailed off, at a loss for the right words with which to articulate her point.

“You’re not what?” Iris prompted.

“I’m not like you, Iris,” Felicity replied. “I can’t just dive into things headfirst the way you do. I’m not great with risk. I need to give myself time to consider all the possible outcomes of a decision before I go through with it. You know that.”

“I do,” Iris said, nodding. “I was just letting you know what I think.”

“And I appreciate the insight,” Felicity replied. The pair lapsed into silence. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, Iris burst into giggles.

“What’s so funny?” Felicity asked.

“I’m just picturing all those trashy tabloid magazines trying to dig up dirt on you if you and Oliver ever do end up dating,” Iris said between peals of laughter. “Your life is completely empty of scandals, and it’s going to drive them  _ crazy _ .” That said, she collapsed into more fits of giggles. Felicity smiled. It  _ did  _ present a rather amusing picture, even if she wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about Iris switching from thinking her and Oliver dating was a possibility to thinking it was a surety within the span of a single sentence.


	22. Chapter 22

Oliver blew out an exhausted breath. With everything at last unpacked and the movers gone, he finally had a moment to himself in his new apartment. Only a moment, though- the peace that came with the absence of the movers who, all through the morning, had been scurrying around the apartment like ants on an anthill was soon broken by a knock on the door. Oliver went to answer it and found Felicity standing in the hallway, carrying a stack of DVDs in her arms. 

“You’re just in time,” he said. “The movers just left.”

“I know,” Felicity said as she passed him on her way through the door. “I passed a couple of them on the way up here. They looked very professional.”

“They were,” Oliver confirmed. “Thea hired them. I wanted to do this myself, but… she insisted.” He closed the door behind Felicity and watched as she took in the apartment.

“Nice place,” she said. “You made a good choice. This seems very...you.”

“Thank you,” Oliver said, though he wasn’t exactly sure whether that had been meant as a compliment. He fell silent for a while after that, feeling pensive. Watching Felicity moving around his new apartment filled him with a strange sense of longing. It was almost as if she belonged there. Certainly he  _ wanted _ her to belong there- Felicity was the first person in a long, long while that he could imagine having a life with. A future with.

“What are those for?” he asked, trying to distract himself, nodding to the stack of DVDs that Felicity had come in carrying, which were now sitting on the coffee table in front of the TV.

“You should never have told me that you’ve never seen Doctor Who,” Felicity said by way of an answer. “I can’t be friends with someone who’s never seen Doctor Who.”

“Or more than friends?” Oliver asked, subtly- or perhaps not so subtly- hinting at what he wanted to be to her.

“That either,” Felicity agreed. “We’ll start with Nine, because I personally prefer New Who to Classic Who, and if you skip Nine you miss a lot of really great moments, not to mention a significant amount of character development.” Oliver smiled at the way her face lit up with enthusiasm. There were a lot of things he loved about Felicity, but the way she talked about her interests was definitely at the top of that list.

“Better make yourself comfortable, Queen,” Felicity went on, now in the middle of setting everything up. “We’re going to be here a while.” 

“Alright,” Oliver said, still smiling. “I’ll make popcorn.” “And coffee,” he added as an afterthought.

Several hours later, they were halfway through David Tennant’s second season, and Oliver was beginning to understand the appeal. On the coffee table were scattered empty takeout containers, the remains of their lunch- and dinner. In amongst the clutter sat two mugs full of coffee long since gone cold.

“Did you know the Doctor is a woman now?” Felicity mumbled from where she was drowsing against Oliver’s shoulder, startling him. In truth, he thought she’d already fallen asleep.

“Really?” he asked, voice quiet.

“Yeah,” Felicity replied. There was a long pause, then she said, “It’s about damn time.” Oliver chuckled softly at that. He brushed Felicity’s hair back from her face and pressed a kiss against her temple. She made a contented hum low in her throat and snuggled closer to him in response, and he forgot to be worried about overstepping boundaries. Late as it was, and half asleep as they were, the walls between them, for the moment, didn’t exist.

By the time the episode ended, Felicity was asleep. Oliver eased himself carefully out from under her, not wanting to disturb her rest. He got the feeling that she needed it. He paused the episode in the middle of the credits, then got up and turned the TV off. He gathered up the trash from the coffee table and threw it away, then poured the cold coffee out of the mugs and rinsed them out, leaving them upside down in the sink to dry, as he hadn’t yet had an opportunity to dig his dish drying rack out of his kitchen cupboards. Then he returned to the living area and contemplated Felicity for a moment, asleep on his couch, her head propped against the back of it where his shoulder had been not too long before. He didn’t want to leave her there- she was a guest in his home, and he’d be a poor host if he made her spend the night on his couch- but he also didn’t want to move her, in case it woke her up.

After debating with himself for another few minutes, Oliver stepped around the coffee table, taking care to keep his footsteps quiet on the hardwood floor, and scooped Felicity up in his arms, cradling her against his chest. Her head lolled back against his shoulder, and his heart did a strange sort of stutter step against his ribcage. He carried her upstairs to the bedroom, reminded, strongly and distinctly, of the night of Thea’s wedding. Reaching the bedroom, he laid her gently down on the bed and draped the hoodie he’d left on his chair earlier that day over her to keep her warm. She sighed and shifted in her sleep, curling up into a fetal position beneath. She looked so small and vulnerable underneath the expanse of green fabric of a hoodie that was several sizes too large for her that it made Oliver’s heart ache with the need to shield her, to shelter her, to protect her. A fond smile stealing over his face, he carefully pulled Felicity’s glasses off of her face, folded them, and set them on his nightstand. Then he stole one last glance at her before creeping carefully back downstairs.

It took him awhile to fall asleep, his mind on the person sleeping in the room above his head. It felt strange to be so close to Felicity, with nothing but a stairway and a bedroom door separating them. Eventually though, he managed to still his racing mind, slow his racing heart, and drifted off to sleep.


	23. Chapter 23

Felicity knew the moment she woke up that she hadn’t done so in her own bed, not because she distinctly remembered falling asleep on Oliver’s couch, but because she awoke wreathed in his scent. She sat up with a sigh and something green slid off her shoulders and pooled in her lap- a hoodie that obviously belonged to Oliver. Realizing that her glasses weren’t on her face, she fumbled around for them until she found them on a nearby nightstand and put them on. Now that she was able to see properly again, she took a moment to catalogue the surroundings she’d woken up in. Besides the bed, and the nightstand on which she’d found her glasses, there was a desk in one corner of the room, a cushy leather armchair and a floor lamp in another, and the entire wall opposite the bed was covered in bookshelves. Felicity didn’t see any dressers, but then she spotted the door to a closet near the back of the room and realized that if they were anywhere, they were probably in there. With another sigh, she laid back down on the bed. It seemed awfully big for just one person, but then she stretched out, one limb to each of the four sides- starfishing, her mother would call it- and she understood. In a bed this big, Oliver could toss and turn without worrying that he’d thrash himself straight onto the floor. She knew that Oliver had nightmares because he would text her late at night when they woke him up or kept him from sleeping in the first place- and she’d set his text tone to the loudest one she had so she would always be awake when he needed her- but to be reminded of that now made her heart ache.

With a groan, Felicity sat back up and contemplated the day ahead of her. She listened for a moment, but didn’t hear any movement downstairs, where she assumed Oliver was. That was strange. On top of the fact that he was often up late at night, he also tended to be an early riser. When Felicity had asked him how that could be the case, he’d told her that over the last five years he’d adapted to be able to get by on very little sleep. She hadn’t inquired any further into that, not sure that she really wanted to know the reason why.

Deciding that she couldn’t very well stay in Oliver’s bedroom all day, Felicity slid off the bed and onto the floor. She shrugged into Oliver’s hoodie and zipped it up. It was much too big for her- it came down almost to her knees, more like a short dress than a sweatshirt, and the sleeves covered her hands, and she was sure if she put up the hood it would flop into her eyes- but it was warm, and it still had Oliver’s scent clinging to its folds, so she couldn’t exactly complain. Padding over to the door, she eased it open and listened once again for signs of life down below. There was still nothing, just the stillness that came in the early morning when most people were still asleep. 

Wary of the fact that Oliver’s new apartment had hardwood floors everywhere, Felicity crept downstairs as quietly as she could manage, heading for the kitchen. As she passed the living area, she could catch glimpses of Oliver- his shirt draped over the arm of the couch, the rise and fall of his breathing beneath the blanket that covered him, one of his hands sticking out from under it. It made her smile in spite of herself.

Continuing on into the kitchen, Felicity started a pot of coffee brewing, thinking that she’d worry about breakfast after that was taken care of, then went looking for mugs. It was there that she ran into a problem. She found them in the third cupboard she opened, along with plates and bowls and various other dishes, but they were on a shelf just out of her reach. She glanced around half-heartedly, but she didn’t think Oliver even  _ owned _ a stepstool, let alone actually needed to use one. With a grim sigh, Felicity jumped, reaching for one of the mugs, trying to push forward enough that it fell and she could catch it on its way down. She managed it on the third attempt, but didn’t react fast enough to catch it, and it shattered on the hardwood floor with a tinkling crash.

“Frack,” Felicity mumbled, glancing over at Oliver, hoping that the noise hadn’t disturbed him. He shifted in his sleep with a sigh, the blanket that covered him slipping down around his waist, revealing an expanse of toned muscle and scarred skin, but didn’t wake. Felicity breathed a sigh of relief and crouched down to clean up the mess she’d made. A jagged piece of broken ceramic bit into her hand, and she cried out in pain. Suddenly Oliver was beside her, murmuring “What happened? Are you okay? Here, let me see.” Felicity blinked at him uncomprehendingly. She hadn’t even heard him get up, much less cross the room to reach her. Taking her injured hand in both of his, Oliver gently turned it over to reveal a long, shallow cut across her palm. 

“It’s not deep,” he said, a statement that, had it not been for the care softening his voice, would have sounded like a clinical pronouncement. “But you might want to clean it out and put a bandage on it.” His blue eyes looked into hers, and for a moment Felicity wanted to kiss him, but she made herself pull back.

“Alright,” she said, pulling her hand gently from Oliver’s grip. “I can do that at home”

“Are you sure?” Oliver asked as she stood and grabbed a piece of paper towel to wrap around her hand. “I have a first aid kit in my bathroom.”

“So do I,” Felicity replied. Noticing the way Oliver pulled back, looking confused and slightly hurt, she added, “I have to stop by there to pick up some stuff anyway. I don’t want to spend all day in yesterday’s clothes. I’ll be back. We still have five and a half seasons of Doctor Who to watch, after all.” Oliver smiled at that.

“Alright,” he said, nodding. “See you soon.”

“See you soon,” Felicity echoed, heading to the door.

It wasn’t until she’d walked into her apartment that Felicity realized she was still wearing Oliver’s hoodie. She shrugged noncommittally, deciding that it didn’t really matter since she was going straight back to his place when she was done here anyway, and went to the bathroom to tend to her hand. That done, she went to her bedroom, shrugged out of Oliver’s hoodie, changed into a soft, loose-fitting T-shirt and jeans with holes worn in their knees, then slipped back into it again. The last thing she did before leaving her apartment was pack an overnight bag, just in case they ended up pulling another pseudo all-nighter.

“You’re back,” Oliver said when he answered his door upon her return to the apartment. “What’s in the bag?”

“Of course I’m back,” Felicity replied, stepping past him and through the doorway. “I told you that the trip to my apartment was just a quick pit stop.” “As for this,” she added in response to Oliver’s question, “it’s breakfast. There’s a coffeeshop on the corner by my apartment building that makes these amazing breakfast burritos, so I decided to grab a couple on my way here.”

“Well, thank you,” Oliver said, taking the bag from her and moving to the kitchen. “I appreciate it.”

“Let me ask you something,” he added as he laid their breakfast out on plates and carried them to the living area. “Why didn’t you just use one the mugs that’s sitting in the sink?” Felicity looked, saw what he was talking about, and burst out laughing.

“I don’t know,” she said, still giggling. “I guess I just didn’t see them?” Oliver flashed her a lopsided smile, the fondness in it making her feel warm inside. She took the mugs out of the sink and filled them with coffee, leaving one black and adding cream and sugar to the other. 

“Alright,” she said, moving into the living area and handing the black coffee to Oliver and keeping the other for herself. “Let’s do this.”

“At this point, I don’t think I should even consider driving home,” Felicity said many hours later as the final episode in their two day Doctor Who marathon drew to a close. “I’m so tired that I’d probably fall asleep at the wheel.”

“I can take you,” Oliver offered.

“No, you can’t,” Felicity argued. “I know that you’re at least as tired as I am. You barely made it through those last couple of episodes. I can stay here one more night. It won’t kill me. And anyway, I brought an overnight bag just in case of exactly this situation.”

“Alright,” Oliver conceded. “I guess I can handle sleeping on my couch two nights in a row.” Felicity shook her head.

“I’m not making you sleep on the couch in your own home,” she said. “Your bed has plenty of room for two people. There’s no reason why we can’t share it.” Oliver seemed to consider that for a moment. Felicity winced, realizing only after the fact how that might have come across. But Oliver either didn’t think anything of it or understood what she’d meant by it, because after a moment he said, “Okay. I guess I can’t argue with that.” Felicity smiled and went to find the bathroom to change into her pajamas and get ready for bed.

Later, falling asleep with Oliver stretched out beside her, Felicity reflected on the last two days and realized that she couldn’t recall the last time she’d felt so content. They were laying back to back, not touching, but even just that close physical proximity to Oliver filled her with a sense of peace that she didn’t think she’d ever experienced before. She decided as she drifted off that she wanted to keep experiencing it for the rest of her life. 


	24. Chapter 24

Oliver woke to the scent of cherry blossoms. He blinked his eyes open, disoriented, to find that at some point during the night he and Felicity had shifted in bed until she’d ended up in his arms, their legs tangled together, his nose buried in her hair. That explained the cherry blossom scent, at least. He pulled Felicity closer to him unthinkingly, reflexively. She stirred, a soft sigh escaping her lips. Oliver froze, holding his breath, but Felicity didn’t wake. He blew out a relieved breath. He should pull away. He  _ wanted _ to pull away, because he didn’t want push Felicity into moving forward before she was ready, but he couldn’t make himself move. It felt so natural, so  _ right _ , to have Felicity in his arms, and he knew that when she woke, this moment would end. So he would wait. It turned out that he didn’t have to wait very long- a few minutes later, Felicity stirred a second time, rolling over to face him.

“Good morning,” she murmured with a smile. Her blue eyes looked into his, soft with sleep and affection. 

“Morning,” Oliver whispered back. He reached out and cupped Felicity’s face, curling his fingers in her silken blonde hair and stroking his thumb along the line of her cheekbone.

“We should get up,” Felicity said softly, leaning into his touch. 

“We should,” Oliver agreed, “but I really don’t want to.”

“Neither do I,” Felicity admitted. “But”- she stretched languidly- “we have to.” She sat up in the bed, and Oliver fought down the urge to kiss her as she moved past him. That was a line he did not want to cross. Felicity rummaged around in her overnight bag in the corner for a few minutes, then left the bedroom. A moment later, Oliver heard the faint sound of the shower running in the bathroom down the hall. He decided that while she was busy doing that the least he could do was make himself useful by making breakfast. He rolled out of bed, yanked a shirt on over his head, and padded downstairs to the kitchen. He started some music playing- big band jazz, the kind of music his mother used to like, and incidentally the same kind of music that Raisa liked to listen to while she cooked. He was just starting to settle into the easy, familiar rhythm that he found himself in whenever he worked in the kitchen when he thought to actually check his fridge and found it empty. Of course it was. He hadn’t had an opportunity to go grocery shopping since he’d moved in. He’d meant to do it after the movers had left, but then Felicity had arrived, and he’d spent the last two days here with her. Not that he begrudged that. In point of fact, they’d been the best two days in his recent- or even not so recent- memory. With a sigh, he turned off the music and took a moment to write out a note for Felicity-  _ Went to the store to pick up some things. Back soon _ \- before heading out.

Felicity was out of the shower and sitting at the kitchen island waiting for Oliver when he walked into his apartment with his arms full of grocery bags.

“You have coffee but no groceries?” she asked with a teasing smile.

“I figured you’d be by eventually to see the place that you’d helped me to find,” Oliver replied, setting the bags down on the counter and going about the process of putting the groceries away. “And I know all about your caffeine addiction. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Felicity smile at that. He’d seen a lot of Felicity’s smiles, but he thought that her early morning, surprised-that-he-remembered-little-details-about-her smile might be his favorite one yet. 

“I was going to go grocery shopping after the movers left,” he went on, “but I kind of got distracted.”

“Sorry,” Felicity said, smiling contritely.

“Don’t be,” Oliver said, shaking his head. “You are  _ always _ a welcome distraction.” One corner of Felicity’s mouth quirked upwards, and for the second time that morning Oliver had to fight off the overwhelming desire to kiss her. It wouldn’t be anything extreme, just a quick peck, but even that would be crossing the line very clearly laid between them. So again, he restrained himself.

When they finished breakfast, Felicity insisted on helping clean up, over Oliver’s protests that she didn’t have to because she was a guest. Before too long they’d settled into a comfortable rhythm, working side by side in tandem in a way that reminded Oliver of when he’d help Raisa in the kitchen, or when he and Thea did their chores together to help them go faster. In his mind, it was just another sign in a rapidly growing list that Felicity belonged in his life, that meeting her and falling in love with her had been nothing less than fate.

They had finished cleaning up and were settling down on the couch, Felicity working on her tablet with her head propped up against Oliver’s shoulder while he worked his way through some work-related documents when his phone rang, disturbing the quiet. Felicity started, jerking away from him, and he fumbled blindly for it, trying to find where he’d set it on the coffee table without actually looking. He finally managed to grab it and looked at the screen to see that it was Thea calling him.

“Hey Speedy,” he said, answering it. “What’s up?”

“So Roy’s parents are coming to visit this week,” Thea said by way of reply, “to make up for the fact that they weren’t able to make it to the wedding, and I need help setting up the guest bedroom.”

“And you’re asking me why?” Oliver asked, not because he didn’t want to help, but because he was genuinely curious.

“Because I was barely older than a baby the last time we had any sort of long-term guest at the house,” Thea said. “And I honestly have no idea where Mom even kept the stuff for the guest bedroom. I know how much you used to like to help Raisa around the house, and normally I would just ask her to do it, but she’s already got so much on her plate-”

“I only ever helped Raisa in the kitchen,” Oliver interjected, “but I do know where Mom used to keep the stuff for the guest bedroom. Provided it hasn’t been moved somewhere, it shouldn’t be too hard to find it. I have absolutely no problem with helping you get it where it needs to be. When do you want to stop by?”

“Would tomorrow afternoon work for you?” Thea asked. “I know it’s a work day, but I  _ am _ technically your boss, so…” She trailed off.

“Tomorrow afternoon will be fine,” Oliver said. “I’ll be there.”

“Okay, great,” Thea replied, sounding relieved. “I’ll see you then.”

“See you then,” Oliver echoed, and heard a click as the line disconnected.

“What was that about?” Felicity asked.

“Thea wants me to stop by the house tomorrow,” Oliver replied. “Roy’s parents are visiting this week, and she need help setting up the guest bedroom.”

“Mind if I tag along?” Felicity asked. There was a hint of something in the offer, but Oliver couldn’t identify what.

“Not at all,” he said. “You’re always welcome.” After a moment, he asked “The fact that it’s a work day isn’t an issue.”

“It shouldn’t be,” Felicity replied. “I do occasionally make house calls, and since you and Thea are both part of the company, it probably won’t be too difficult to pass it off as that to my supervisor if he asks. Not that I’m even sure he  _ will _ ask- he’s sometimes not the most attentive of bosses.”

“And I’m sure you’ve never taken advantage of that before,” Oliver said jokingly.

“Of course not,” Felicity replied in a serious tone, but with the kind of smile that implied she was holding back a laugh.

“Okay, well, I’m not technically supposed to condone that sort of behavior,” Oliver said with a contrary smile, “since my job is public relations and it reflects badly on the image of QC as a whole, but you know. It means I get to spend more time with you, so I really can’t complain.” Felicity’s smile was one of surprise, like his statement had caught her off guard.

“You keep talking like that and I might have to tell your boss,” she teased.

“Please don’t,” Oliver replied. “Thea’s scary when she’s mad.”

“I know,” Felicity said. “You’ve told me.” Oliver didn’t respond out loud, but to himself he thought,  _ For you, facing Thea’s anger is worth the risk. _


	25. Chapter 25

Felicity’s mouth gaped open as Oliver’s car rounded a bend and she got her first up close look at his family home. It was known as the Queen  _ mansion _ , but somehow she hadn’t expected something quite so  _ big _ , hadn’t expected this towering, sprawling structure of solemn grey stone, with a green shingled roof and ivy climbing its face. She craned her neck, trying to see more of it as Oliver pulled up beneath the archway that stood before the front door and brought his car to a halt. 

“You weren’t expecting it to be so big, were you?” he asked with a half smile. Felicity shook her head.

“Did it ever get lonely?” she asked. “In this big old house all by yourself?” This time it was Oliver who shook his head.

“I was never by myself,” he said. “My mom didn’t work, so she was always around, and besides her there was Thea, and Raisa and the house staff, not to mention Tommy and his dad were around all the time…” He trailed off, lost in memories. After a moment, he shook himself vigorously and seemed to force himself back into the present.

“We should get inside,” he said. “Thea’s probably starting to wonder if I’ve bailed on her.” Though his words were speculative, he spoke with a tone of absolute certainty that came from knowing another person intimately, in the way only their sibling could. Felicity nodded and followed him out of the car and up to the door, where he rang the bell and waited patiently for someone to answer.

“Ollie!” Thea said eagerly when she opened the door. “You came!”

“I said I would,” Oliver replied.

“Yeah, but you took so long I was starting to wonder if you’d bailed on me,” Thea said. Oliver cast a sideways glance at Felicity as Thea ushered them inside, as if he thought she might have doubted him when he’d said as much earlier.

“Do you mind if I borrow Felicity for a moment before you get started?” Thea asked when they were all inside and she’d closed the door behind them. Oliver looked puzzled, but said, “Sure,” before moving off into a room just off the main hallway. When he was gone, Thea asked “How’s Oliver doing? Is he okay? We haven’t seen much of each other lately, what with his move and things being so crazy at QC recently. I know he’s been seeing a therapist, and it’s really been helping him, but still. Sometimes I worry.” Felicity hadn’t known that Oliver was seeing a therapist, but she decided that it didn’t matter. It wasn’t like he was required to share every detail of his life with her. He was more than entitled to keep personal things like that to himself.

“He’s fine,” she said. “Putting physical distance between himself and his old life must have really helped him- he seemed really happy when I saw him on Friday night, happier than I think I’ve ever seen him.” She decided not to mention that she’d been with Oliver all weekend. She didn’t want to give Thea the wrong idea.

“Good,” Thea replied with a relieved smile. “That’s good. I’m glad to hear it.” Felicity nodded and moved past her into the room that Oliver had disappeared into, which turned out to be the living room.

“What did my sister want?” Oliver asked when he saw her.

“Just to find out if you were doing okay,” she replied. “She said that you guys haven’t seen much of each other lately, and she gets worried when it’s been a while since she was last able to check up on you.” Oliver chuckled.

“That sounds like my sister,” he said.

“So I guess all that’s left to do now is get started on what we came here for in the first place?” Felicity asked. Oliver nodded, but said, “One sec.” He leaned out of the living room doorway and called “Thea?”

“Yeah Ollie?” came Thea’s reply a moment later.

“Which guest bedroom are Roy’s parents staying in?” Oliver asked.

“Main floor!” Thea called back.

“Thank you!” Oliver shouted before pulling himself back into the living room.

“Voices carry really well in here,” he said in response to Felicity’s questioning glance. “Growing up, Thea and I used to drive our mom crazy shouting back and forth at each other like that because it was faster than trying to find each other in this big old house.” He smiled fondly at the memory.

“Let’s go,” he said after a minute or so, jerking his head toward the doorway. Felicity followed him out of the living room, up the stairs, and down several hallways until they came to a linen closet tucked into an out of the way corner.

“Leave the door open,” Oliver said. “The light in here doesn’t work.”

“Of course it doesn’t,” Felicity muttered, but did as he said, following him into the mess of a linen closet and stopping just inside the door.

“What exactly are we looking for?” she asked.

“The sheets for the bed in the main floor guest bedroom,” Oliver replied. He described them to her quickly, adding, “We’ll get this done faster if we each start looking in different places.” Felicity nodded. She couldn’t argue with that logic. After they’d been looking for a while, they heard footsteps coming down the hall. Oliver tensed, listening, then said, “Raisa.”

“You can identify people by the pattern of their footsteps?” Felicity asked, awed.

“It’s a survival skill you learn pretty quickly when you’re held prisoner by multiple people,” Oliver answered bluntly. Thrown as she was by that admission, Felicity didn’t notice Raisa closing the closet door as she passed until she and Oliver were suddenly plunged in darkness. Felicity ran toward the door, stumbling in the pitch black, calling after Raisa that they were in there, but she was already gone. She tried the doorknob, but it wouldn’t budge.

“Frack,” she mumbled. The only other sound in the cramped, pitch dark space was Oliver’s breathing, which she quickly noticed was much more rapid and ragged than it should have been. 

“Oliver?” she asked. “Are you okay?” There was a long silence before Oliver said, “No,” in a strained voice.

“Okay, just…don’t have a panic attack on me, alright?” Felicity asked. Oliver’s response was a strangled, desperate laugh.

“Too late,” he managed. Felicity chewed her bottom lip anxiously.

“Oliver,” she said. “Just listen to my voice, okay? I’m going to try to get over to you. Keep listening to my voice. Focus on that, and try to take deep breaths.” She felt her way along the shelves toward where she’d heard Oliver’s voice. She waved a hand through the air until she found Oliver’s and laced her fingers through his.

“I’m here,” she said, giving his hand a squeeze. “I’m going to sit down. Can you move right now? Can you try and sit down with me?” 

“I can try,” Oliver said, still gasping for breath. Felicity slid down the shelf at her back, tugging Oliver down with her. For the next few minutes, Felicity continued to talk softly and soothingly to Oliver, telling him to take deep breaths, until finally his breathing evened out and became less ragged. She froze when she felt his touch trace the line of her cheekbone and jaw, and in the next moment his lips were on hers in the pitch dark. Conscious thought failed her, but her body reacted, her hands reaching up to curl around the back of his neck and pull him closer to her. She felt warmth at her sides that could only be Oliver’s hands, holding her gently but firmly. Felicity didn’t quite know how this was happening, but she didn’t want to stop to think about it. All she wanted to do was get lost in this moment and never come back. But all too soon, it was over. She felt Oliver pull back, as suddenly as if he’d been shocked.

“I’m sorry,” he said, breathless. “I don’t know what came over me. I-” 

“Don’t be sorry,” Felicity interjected. “After all, I kissed you back.That should tell you something, shouldn’t it?” Oliver huffed out a laugh, and Felicity felt him press a kiss against the top of her head.

They shifted until Felicity was leaning back against Oliver, her head on his chest, his arms curled loosely around her waist. Their hands found each other in the dark and intertwined. Felicity could feel how her hand fit perfectly in Oliver’s, like they’d always been meant to fit together.

“Why didn’t either of us make a move like this sooner?” she murmured. 

“If you’re the sort of person who would conspire to have us get accidentally on purpose locked in a closet together, then I really don’t know you at all,” Oliver teased.

“You know what I mean,” Felicity retorted. It was a long time before Oliver answered.

“I don’t know,” he said at last. “I guess I was just afraid. I thought there was no chance in hell that someone as good as you are could ever love someone as broken as I am.”

“You’re not broken, Oliver,” Felicity said solemnly. “And it’s funny that you mention being afraid, because here  _ I _ was thinking that someone like you would never even so much as look twice at someone like me. I’ve been in love with you since I met you, but I kept it to myself this whole time because I thought you were out of my league.”

“I could never be out of your league,” Oliver said. Felicity somehow knew that he was shaking his head. “If anything, you’re out of mine.”

“I guess we’re just a couple of clueless idiots,” Felicity said. Oliver laughed.

“I guess we are,” he said, and kissed her again. Light suddenly flooded into the closet, breaking them apart. Thea, standing framed in the closet doorway, let out a low whistle.

“If I’d known that this is what it’d take for you two idiots to admit your feelings to each other,” she said, “I’d have locked you in a closet together a long time ago.” Neither of them had a response to that. Felicity felt a blush warming her cheeks.

“Anyway, I’m going to go before I start imagining what you two might have done in here if I hadn’t come along just now,” Thea said. She walked away with an over exaggerated shudder.

“So where do we go from here?” Felicity asked when Thea had gone. Oliver shrugged.

“I suppose there’s really only one place we  _ can _ go after all of that,” he said.

“Trying out this whole dating thing?” Felicity asked with a smile. Oliver nodded.After a pause, he asked “Felicity, would you like to go to dinner with me?” Try though she might, Felicity couldn’t stop an exultant grin from spreading across her face.

“Yes,” she said, and felt like her whole life was about to change just from that one word.  


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is intended to just be a quick filler chapter before we get to the meat of things. For reasons of story, I want the chapter covering Oliver and Felicity's date to be told from Felicity's perspective. You'll see why once said chapter has been written and posted.
> 
> In other news, now that The Queen's Mage is finished, I intend to dedicate most if not all of my time and creative energy to this fic. With that being the case, I hope to be able to update it much more frequently than I have been.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy this!

Oliver shifted in his bed for what felt like the thousandth time that night. Despite turning and turning for what must have been hours, he couldn’t get to sleep. Every nerve in his body was alight with electricity. He couldn’t believe what had just happened, that he’d asked Felicity out to dinner, that she’d actually said  _ yes _ . He prayed to God that he didn’t screw this up. With a sigh, he rolled over and grabbed his phone off his nightstand.

_ You awake? _ he asked, barely looking at the screen as he typed.

_ For you? _ Felicity replied.  _ Always. What’s up? _

_ Can’t sleep, _ he said.

_ Nightmares? _ Felicity asked. It wasn’t a bad guess. Nightmares were usually what kept him up at night.

_ Actually, no, _ Oliver said.  _ Not this time. _

_ Oh? _ Felicity asked.  _ Then what is it? _

_ Nerves? Excitement? I don’t really know how to define it, except that I’m really excited for Friday night. So I guess it’s anticipation, then. _

_ It’s funny, _ Felicity said, the looming change of subject breaking the flow of the conversation,  _ but right before you texted me, I was just about to text you. _ Oliver laughed in spite of himself at that, the sound echoing off his bedroom walls.

_ Really?  _ he asked.

_ Yeah,  _ Felicity replied.  _ I can’t sleep either. I’m too tense. Can it just be Friday already? _ They’d settled on Friday night for their date so that if things got really serious they wouldn’t have to worry about getting themselves to work the next morning or facing the gossip mill that would no doubt immediately begin turning if they arrived there together in an obviously non platonic context.

_ My sentiments exactly,  _ Oliver replied. He rolled over onto his back and rested his phone face down on his chest for a moment, contemplating. There were a lot of things he wanted to say to Felicity right now, but he was well aware of how late the hour was. He didn’t want to keep her up too much longer- she had to go to work tomorrow, and so did he.

_ I’d love to talk to you all night,  _ he typed, picking up his phone again,  _ but I have to work tomorrow, and I know you do too, so I’m going to let you go now. Goodnight. _

_ Goodnight _ , Felicity replied, and after that Oliver shut his phone off for the night and was finally able to get to sleep.

He awoke at first light, a groan escaping him when he realized that it was still only Tuesday. He’d been halfway hoping that he could just skip ahead to Friday, however impossible that was. Time would continue to move forward at its normal pace, however much he might wish for that to not be so. On the bright side, at least he’d get to see Felicity at work. That thought alone got him going, and put him in a good mood that lasted all the way to work and all through the morning.

When he and Felicity met for their lunch break, the way they always did anytime they weren’t both busy, Oliver found himself staring at her, studying her with new, changed eyes.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he mumbled unthinkingly. Felicity’s head shot up, a small gasp escaping her. 

“What was that?” she asked, eyes narrowing behind her glasses.

“I said you’re beautiful,” Oliver spoke up. Felicity smiled her “caught off guard” smile.

“I’m never going to get used to hearing that,” she said softly.

“Well, you’d better start,” Oliver asked. “Because I plan on telling you that a lot.”

“How much is a lot?” Felicity asked. 

“As many times as it takes until you believe it,” Oliver murmured, staring deep into her eyes so that she’d know that he meant it. They were less than an inch apart now. Oliver felt like he was in a trance. A part of him yearned to close what little distance remained between himself and Felicity and kiss her, but out in public like this he couldn’t kiss her the way he  _ really _ wanted to, so he restrained himself.

Felicity lowered her gaze suddenly and pulled away, breaking the spell.

“Oliver,” she whispered, her eyes downcast. “People are staring.”

“So?” Oliver asked. “Let them stare. We’re not doing anything wrong.”

“I know that,” Felicity replied. “I just...don’t feel comfortable with people’s eyes on me. I don’t like to draw attention to myself.” As if she’d sensed his desire to kiss her, she added “Can we just hold off on the PDA until after we’ve actually been on a date? Please?”

“Of course,” Oliver replied. “I’ll do whatever you need. You know that.”

“I do,” Felicity said, her voice going hoarse with barely contained emotion. She flashed him a tentative smile, which he returned.

All too soon, their lunch break was over and it was time to return to business as usual. They parted ways at the IT department, Felicity glancing up and down the hallway to make sure there was nobody else around before stretching up on her tiptoes and giving Oliver a quick peck on the cheek by way of a goodbye. He smiled in spite of himself at the gesture and went on his way.

The rest of the week went much the same, with the two of them going about their days as usual, showing affection toward each other only in ways that would be seen as strictly platonic. It wasn’t what Oliver wanted- he wanted to shower Felicity with affection in all of its forms, wanted everyone to know exactly how he felt about her- but it was what she wanted, and he would respect it. The last thing he wanted was to make her uncomfortable or put her in a compromising position.

By the time Thursday rolled around, Oliver could barely keep a grin from his face. Even Thea noticed, when they met for lunch that day at her request, because they hadn’t talked in a while and she’d wanted to have a chance to get caught up.

“What’s got you in such a good mood?” she asked.

“I’m going on a date with Felicity tomorrow night,” Oliver replied, and this time he failed to keep a smile off his face.

“So you finally got up the courage to ask her out, huh?” Thea asked. “Well, good for you. To be honest, I was  _ this close _ to shoving the two of you together myself. Sitting around waiting for one of you to get a clue was maddening.” Oliver would have been annoyed by that comment, had Thea not always displayed an unusual amount of interest and investment in his love life, even before his disappearance, during those irresponsible playboy days that he shuddered to think of now, when he’d had no trouble getting girls but also had been doing it for sport and hadn’t actually  _ cared _ about any of the women he picked up. Things were different now.  _ He  _ was different now. Or at least he hoped he was.

“How nice this must be for you then,” he said dryly.

“Yeah, no kidding,” Thea replied with a huff. Her expression turned serious, and she added, “I just want you to be happy, Ollie, and it was…frustrating, seeing how happiness was right in front of you and you just weren’t going after it.”

“Well, I’m going after it now,” Oliver replied in a near whisper.

“So it would seem,” Thea said, and after that they lapsed into silence.

“Just do us both a favor, Ollie,” she told him as he was leaving, a short time later, “and don’t screw this up.”

“You have no idea how hard I’m trying not to,” Oliver muttered in reply, knowing that there was no way that Thea could have possibly heard him. It had been meant more for himself than her anyway.


	27. Chapter 27

_ Do you like Italian? _ The text from Oliver came seemingly out of nowhere.

_ What? _ Felicity asked.

_ For tonight, _ Oliver clarified, and Felicity felt a white-hot flare of happiness remembering that they were going on a date that night. _ You like Italian, right? Everyone likes Italian. _

_ Oliver, you’re in the middle of a press conference, _ Felicity replied, eyeing her computer, where she’d pulled up a local news broadcast of the press conference in question. Thea liked to do what she called “State of the Company” addresses every two week, informing the general public on what was going on in QC, its finances, deals its people were making, projects they were working on, et cetera, as she believed a certain amount of transparency was essential to the company’s continued functioning, and as head of the PR department, it was Oliver’s job to deliver those addresses.

_ I’m multitasking _ , he insisted. Felicity glanced at her computer screen again. Now that she knew to look for them, she easily spotted the signs that Oliver was distracted. She guessed that he had his phone somewhere on the podium in front of him, out of view of the crowd and cameras.

_ I’m very impressed by your ability to text without looking _ , she wrote.  _ And yes. I love Italian. _

_ Thanks, _ Oliver said, responding to the compliment and nothing else.

_ You’re welcome _ , Felicity said. Hearing a knock at the door, she added,  _ I have to go _ , set her phone down, and went to answer it.

“Thea,” she said, surprise creeping into her voice, betraying the fact that she hadn’t expected to find the company’s CEO standing in the hallway outside the IT department. When she had computer issues, she called someone from the department up to her office; she didn’t come down and visit it in person. “Did you come to watch your brother do his thing?” She gestured behind her to where Oliver’s voice could just faintly be heard, sounding tinny filtered through her computer’s speakers.

“No,” Thea said, giving her head a small shake. “This is about him, though. May I come in?” Felicity wondered why she was asking permission to enter a room in a building she technically owned, but nodded and waved her inside. Thankfully, the office was empty, all of her coworkers off doing work elsewhere in the building- which was why she’d been watching Oliver’s press conference in the first place- or else she would have had to deflect awkward questions about why she was sitting down to a chat with the CEO. 

“So what’s up?” she asked when Thea had settled into the chair she’d pulled up for her, trying for lightness in her tone. “You said this was about Oliver?” Thea nodded.

“He told me you two are going on a date tonight,” she said.

“We are,” Felicity confirmed, unable to keep from smiling at the thought. Thea bit her lip, her eyebrows pinching together in a worried frown.

“I really don’t know how to put this…” she said, trailing off.

“You’re worried he might bail on me,” Felicity finished for her, seeing where she was going with this.

“No!” Thea insisted. “No. Well...not exactly. I’m more worried that he’s going to sabotage himself somehow.”

“What makes you say that?” Felicity asked. This was a side of Oliver that she had not heard even one mention of before now.

“Because he’s always been that way,” Thea explained. “When he’s in a relationship and things start to get serious, he deliberately does something to mess it up and end it. Before his disappearance, it was because he was commitment phobic, but now...I think he’s afraid that being with someone will harm them somehow, that he’s too broken or too damaged to be good for anyone.”

“He didn’t tell me that,” Felicity whispered.

“Well, to be fair, he hasn’t actually been in a relationship since his return,” Thea said. “So a lot of this is conjecture.”

“Ok…” Felicity said, leaving the thought unfinished, sure that Thea had more she wanted to say.

“I’m sure your date tonight will go off without a hitch,” Thea said, sounding more like she was trying to reassure herself than anything. “But if it doesn’t...just please be patient with Oliver. It’s going to be hard for him to put himself out there, and he might stumble a bit at first.”

“I promised I’ll be there to catch him if he does,” Felicity murmured. Thea brightened.

“I’m so glad to hear that,” she said. “You have no idea.”

“Wow,” Felicity managed, struck almost dumb by just how strong the bond between the Queen siblings was. She’d seen it from Oliver’s side, of course, but never from Thea’s. “You really care a lot about your brother.” Thea nodded emphatically.

“His happiness and well-being is the most important thing to me right now,” she said. “And I’m so glad that he at least seems to be starting to find his happiness again. For a while there, I was worried that he never would.” She punctuated her sentence with a pointed look at Felicity, as if making sure that she knew that she believed her to be the cause of that.

“Thank you,” Felicity whispered, responding to the unspoken statement.

“No,” Thea said. “Thank  _ you. _ ” She rose from her chair, patted Felicity on the shoulder on her way past her, and then she was out the door and gone.

“The red one,” Iris said that night. She was helping Felicity, via video chat, decide what to wear to her date. Felicity’s eyebrows shot up.

“Are you sure?” she asked. The dress Iris was referring to was a deep red affair with a plunging neckline and a crisscross back. It stopped just below Felicity’s knees, clinging to every one of her curves along the way. She had worn it exactly once- it didn’t exactly leave very much to the imagination, and she didn’t think she quite had the amount of self confidence necessary to pull it off. Iris nodded.

“Trust me, honey,” she said. “That’s the one you want to wear.” 

“Alright,” Felicity said skeptically, pulling the dress from the pile that had accumulated on her bed. “But if Oliver never speaks to me again after seeing me in this, I’m blaming you.”

“Not gonna happen,” Iris said. “Trust me.” She ended the video call, leaving Felicity alone with her thoughts. It took her a lot longer to finish getting ready than she would have liked, because she kept second guessing herself- how little was too little? How much was too much? Had she veered to one extreme or the other? Finally though, she managed to find the right balance and headed out.

She arrived at the restaurant before Oliver and was shown to her table almost immediately, as it wasn’t particularly busy. The hostess gave her a pitying smile as she moved off, as if the playboy reputation Oliver couldn’t seem to shake had proceeded him and she thought she knew exactly how this evening was going to end for Felicity. She wanted to set her straight, but there wasn’t time.

Oliver arrived a few minutes after Felicity did. She gasped when she saw him standing at the entrance of the dining room, dressed in a light grey suit that made his brilliant blue eyes seem even brighter, almost glowing. She caught her breath at the expression on his face when he spotted her. No one had ever looked at her like that before.

Felicity rose from her seat to meet Oliver as he made his way over to their table. He pulled her into a hug when he reached her, and for the brief instant before he released her she simply let herself live in the moment, being held by him, breathing him in. Then they separated, and the moment was over. For some reason, Oliver chuckled softly as he took his seat.

“What?” Felicity asked, glancing around for what had prompted that reaction.

“Nothing,” Oliver said. “I’m just-”

“Nervous?” Felicity interjected. “Line forms behind me.” The waiter came to take their orders, and after he’d moved off, Oliver asked “Am I crazy? I mean, what do we have to be nervous about?”

“Well, we’ve already exhausted every topic one would normally talk about on a first date,” Felicity pointed out. “Or a second date. Or a third date. Or any date, actually.” That got a smile out of Oliver, and the barest hint of a laugh. Felicity had never seen him like this, awkward and flustered, like a schoolboy with a crush. It was rather endearing, if she was being honest with herself. They fell into awkward silence, both searching for something to say, until the flurry of activity that accompanied the arrival of their food seemed to shake Oliver out of a stupor.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m just.. a little...out of my element.” Felicity nodded in understanding and waited patiently while he gathered his thoughts.

“The entire time I was...away,” he said after a pregnant pause, “I could never...completely trust someone. And when that goes on for so long, you stop seeing people for people. You see threats. Or targets. And when I came home, I- I just didn’t know how to turn that part of me off. But then I walked into your office. You were the first person that I could see as a- a person. There was just something about you.”

“Yeah, I was chewing on a pen,” Felicity said with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood.

“It was red,” Oliver said softly. Felicity nodded, surprised that he remembered such a seemingly inconsequential detail.

“You know, for the longest time I’d convinced myself that, because of what I became in the last five years,” Oliver said, “I couldn’t be with someone that I could...really care about.”

“Uh huh,” Felicity said, seeing that he had somewhere he was going with this.

“So maybe I was wrong,” Oliver said. He was silent after that, having apparently said everything that he needed to say.

The night was halfway over, their plates well on their way to being cleared, when Felicity thought she saw something shift behind Oliver’s eyes. He pulled his phone from his pocket and studied it for a moment, a frown pulling the corners of his mouth downwards. Felicity hadn’t heard it go off, but he probably just had it on vibrate so it wouldn’t cause a disturbance if it went off during their meal. 

“I’m so sorry,” he said, getting up from the table. “I have to go. Something’s come up at work.” He left in a hurry, without giving Felicity a chance to say goodbye. She frowned, puzzled, and noticed that he’d left a wad of cash tucked under his plate, where the waiter would see it but it wouldn’t be in view to tempt anyone else.

_ Well, _ Felicity thought,  _ at least he was nice enough to pay. _ Despite the unfortunate circumstance of Oliver having had to leave early, she thought the night had gone well. She hadn’t said anything that had made her want to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment, at least. She finished her meal in contemplative silence and went on her way.

Outside, it was raining. Felicity groaned in displeased surprise and ducked her head as she ran to her car, using her upraised arms to try and shield herself from the worst of the rain. Once in her car, she turned the heater on at full blast and made her way carefully home, hovering right at the speed limit, her windshield wipers going a mile a minute. She pulled up to the four way intersection by her apartment building, squinting through her windshield and the driving rain at the red glow of the stoplights. She was readying herself to pull forward the moment the light changed when another vehicle came barreling into the intersection from the left side, running the red light. The driver of the car saw her and tried to stop, but their tires skidded on the rain slicked surface of the road and their car fishtailed. They managed to straighten out, but not with enough time to stop or veer away, and they slammed into the side of Felicity’s car, crumpling the passenger compartment like tinfoil on the driver’s side. Felicity was thrown sideways by the impact, starbursts of pain exploding in her side. Her head slammed into the steering wheel, and everything went fuzzy.

Felicity wasn’t sure how long she sat there, drifting in and out of consciousness and in extreme pain, before she heard the sirens and saw the flashing red and blue lights that meant that help had arrived. She heard metal creaking and people shouting to each other as emergency responders worked to pry the smashed and ruined cars apart and get their severely injured occupants to the relative safety of an ambulance. Out of nowhere, Oliver’s face appeared in Felicity’s mind’s eye.

“Oliver,” she whimpered aloud. He would need to know what had happened, but how was she going to get that information to him in this state?

“Oliver,” she told her rescuers in a strained voice when they pulled her from her car at last, managing to speak around the pain in her chest. “Please, you have to call Oliver.” Her pulse was pounding in her ears, and she couldn’t hear what her rescuers were saying, to her or to anyone else. She tried to reach for her phone- or where she remembered it being before disaster had struck, at least- but a white-hot bolt of agony shot through her, and then everything went black.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While this chapter and the previous one were posted consecutively, the events of the final paragraphs of the previous one and the opening paragraphs of this one are happening concurrently.

“What are you doing back?” Thea asked the moment Oliver stepped through the door of his apartment. She’d arrived there shortly before he’d left for his date with Felicity, she said to “keep an eye on things”, but Oliver knew the real reason was so that she’d be there to press him for details the moment he got home- if he’d ended up returning home alone, of course. If he’d brought Felicity, she would have discreetly excused herself and extracted the details about his date from him at a more appropriate time. “I wasn’t expecting you for at least another hour.” Instead of answering, Oliver leaned back against the door and closed his eyes, feeling a sudden weariness weighing him down. When he opened them again, Thea was fixing him with a pointed look, pinning him in place with her gaze in a way that reminded him uncannily of their mother.

“I don’t know,” he said. “Everything was going great, I was telling Felicity about those five years I was missing and it miraculously wasn’t making her run away screaming, but then…” He trailed off.

“But then?” Thea prompted impatiently.

“I realized that the worst thing I can do to her is drag her down to my level,” Oliver said. “She’s so good, Thea, purely good, far more good than anything I deserve, and I couldn’t allow myself to corrupt her, even for a moment. So I… faked a work emergency and bailed.” He made a sweeping gesture that brought to mind somebody fleeing.

“You really are an idiot, Ollie,” Thea scolded. “Do you  _ really _ think that Felicity would feel the way she does about you if any of what you just said about yourself were true? You’re not broken, Ollie. You’re not a bad person. Felicity sees you for who you really are, not this monster that you  _ think _ you are, and your true self is who she loves.” Oliver was silent, contemplating Thea’s words. She was absolutely right, and now that he’d gotten some distance and a clear head, he knew that. He only hoped he hadn’t broken things with Felicity beyond repair.

“So, what should I do?” he asked, counting on Thea for more of the sage advice he’d come to rely on from her.

“Well, stop moping around here, for starters,” Thea replied. “Turn yourself right back around, get out there, and go get your girl back. Go to Felicity and tell her what really happened. Be open and honest with her about  _ why _ it happened, and promise her that it’ll never happen again. She’ll understand. I’m sure of it.” Her answer caught Oliver off guard, and he hesitated, still standing by the door. He hadn’t expected her to have it all laid out quite so neatly quite so fast.

“What are you still standing around there for?” Thea demanded. “Go! Now! Before it’s too late and you miss your opportunity!”

“All right, all right, I’m going,” Oliver said, laughing in spite of himself. He was through the door and out in the hall before Thea could say anything else. He paused to take a deep breath and compose himself before he set off.

On his way to Felicity’s apartment, he made a few quick pit stops to get coffee and a pint of mint chip ice cream- her favorite- thinking it pertinent to arrive with some sort of peace offering in hand. He was on his way back to his car with the ice cream when his phone rang.

“Hello?” he answered.

“Is this Oliver Queen?” asked the person on the other end- a woman, from the sound of it, and no one he knew. He frowned, puzzled. The days of him getting calls from strange women were a long ways in the past.

“Yes,” he said. “May I ask who’s calling?”

“This is Doctor Beth Schwartz over at Starling General,” the woman- Doctor Schwartz- replied. Oliver’s immediate thought was that something had happened to Thea after he’d left.

“What happened?” he asked. “Is my sister alright?” Panic edged into his voice at the thought of Thea having been hurt.

“Your sister is fine,” Doctor Schwartz assured him in a calm, measured tone. She clearly had a lot of experience calming concerned family members. “I’m calling about your friend. Felicity Smoak.” Oliver felt himself go numb. He was dimly aware of the ice cream he was carrying falling from his nerveless fingers and splattering on the ground.

“What happened?” he managed to ask.

“She was in a car accident,” Doctor Schwartz explained simply. “She was stopped at an intersection and another driver ran the red light and struck her from the side.”

“Is she going to be okay?” Oliver asked, the pitch of his voice rising slightly out of fear.

“For the moment, it seems so,” Doctor Schwartz said. “Car crash injuries are always a bit touch and go, but right now her prognosis looks good.” Oliver breathed a sigh of relief before he realized it wasn’t over yet. Felicity might be okay for now, but she was still in the hospital.

“I’ll be right there,” he told Doctor Schwartz before hanging up the phone.

When he arrived at Starling General, he found Doctor Schwartz waiting for him in the lobby. She turned away and led him up to Felicity’s room without a word. When they reached it, she opened the door carefully and stepped aside to let him through. He approached it with some trepidation, afraid of what he would see. Finally though, he mustered his courage and stepped through the door.

His first sight of Felicity hit him like a punch in the stomach, driving the air from his lungs. He’d never thought of her as fragile, but that was how she looked lying there in a hospital bed that nearly dwarfed her, her eyes closed, cuts and bruises all over her face. It wasn’t until he saw the steady rise and fall of her chest that he himself could breathe again.

A small, broken sound escaped him, and he fell back against the wall next to the door, suddenly lacking the strength to hold himself upright.

“How bad is it, exactly?” he asked, not taking his eyes off of Felicity. It was hard for him to get the words out- he felt like he was choking on them.

“Head trauma, three broken ribs, broken arm, multiple cuts and contusions,” Doctor Schwartz answered, sounding like she was reading off a chart. Oliver didn’t begrudge her her clinical tone- he understood that in situations like this, people were relying on her to deliver information about her patient’s condition in a clear, concise manner. Whatever she might be feeling, she couldn’t allow her emotions to enter the equation. After a few minutes, he heard her say, “I’ll give you some time alone,” her words accompanied by the sound of her footsteps receding into the distance.

The moment he was alone, Oliver pushed himself away from the wall and crossed the room, dropping heavily into the hard plastic chair at Felicity’s bedside. He took her hand in his and slumped forward until his forehead was resting against the blanket that covered her small frame. Then he finally allowed himself to cry, all of his pent-up emotions manifesting themselves at once in the form of painful sobs that clawed their way up his chest and throat and rattled his frame.

“This is all my fault,” he whispered in a broken voice to the nearly empty room.


	29. Chapter 29

The first thing Felicity noticed when awareness returned to her was that her hand was warm. She opened her eyes and harsh white fluorescent light stabbed into them, sending sharp needles of pain lancing through her already pounding head. She closed them again and took a minute to take stock of what she could perceive with her other senses. It was then that she realized that her hand was warm because it was being held, held in another hand so big that it swallowed hers right up. She felt the familiar scrape of calluses on the fingertips and upper palm of the hand that held hers, but even without it she would have known whose it was. She chanced opening her eyes again, slowly this time, and sure enough, there was Oliver, seated in the hard plastic chair at her bedside, head tipped back, eyes closed, clearly asleep. She squeezed his hand to let him know she was awake, and he stirred.

“Hey,” she said when his eyes locked with hers.

“Hey,” he replied with a small smile. His voice was hoarse, and his eyes were rimmed with red, like he’d been crying. Felicity frowned.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“You the one lying in a hospital bed, and you’re asking  _ me _ if  _ I’m _ okay?” Oliver replied instead of answering. Felicity couldn’t quite muster up the energy to glare at him, but she gave it her best shot. 

“I’m fine,” he said. “I was just worried.” That sounded like a lie, but Felicity didn’t feel like calling him on it. After a moment, he asked “What happened? Doctor Schwartz gave me the gist, but not the details.” Felicity closed her eyes and tried to remember.

“I was...I was driving home from our date,” she said hesitantly. “And it was raining. I was stopped at the four way intersection by my apartment building and another car ran the red light and came barreling into the intersection from the left side. The driver saw me and he- he tried to stop, but the road was slick from the rain, and his tires skidded. His car fishtailed, and by the time he managed to straighten out, he was too late to stop or veer away, and he slammed into me. Doctor Schwartz said I was lucky- a few inches to the left and he would have hit my driver’s side door and I would have been killed on impact.”

“I’m so sorry,” Oliver said. “I should have been there.” 

“Why?” Felicity asked. “What could you have done?”

“I don’t know,” Oliver said helplessly. “But maybe… maybe if I’d been the one driving, I could have taken the brunt of the impact, and you wouldn’t have been hurt.”

“That’s not how physics works, Oliver,” Felicity said, shaking her head despite the fact that it made the pain in it worse. “You weigh a couple hundred pounds, and your average mid-sized car weighs a couple thousand. Not to mention that the car would have considerably more momentum. The only thing you being there would have accomplished would have been me getting slightly less injured than I was, not avoiding injury completely. And what’s more, you would have been hurt or killed as surely as I would have.

“Still, I-” Oliver began.

“No,” Felicity interrupted, shaking her head again. “Stop that this instant. You are  _ not _ allowed to blame yourself for this. Be thankful I can’t use my loud voice right now.”

“You’re right,” Oliver said quietly. “I’m sorry.” Felicity frowned at the apology- it sounded like yet more blame- but decided not to comment on it.

“I’m glad they listened to me when I told them to call you,” she said instead.

“Me too,” Oliver replied. “Just please don’t ever scare me like that again.”

“I’ll try to avoid getting into car accidents in the future,” Felicity said with a weak laugh, wincing when it sent a spike of pain through her ribs.

“I’m serious,” Oliver said desperately. “Please. I- I can’t lose you, Felicity. I can’t.” Felicity was surprised to see panic in his eyes.

“I should leave you to rest,” he said abruptly, rising from his chair. He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead, his lips lingering against her skin, and then he was gone, leaving her alone, troubled and confused.

Some time later- Felicity wasn’t sure exactly how long- she heard a knock at her door. The hospital staff never knocked before entering her room, so she must have a visitor.

“Come in,” she called, hoping it was Oliver, but it was his friend John Diggle, who she vaguely remembered from Thea’s wedding, who walked through the door.

“Oliver got held up at work,” he explained, closing it behind him, “so he asked me to come check in on you. And to bring you some stuff from home.”

“I told him that key was only for emergencies,” Felicity murmured.

“I think you being in the hospital counts as an emergency, Felicity,” Diggle said, crossing the room and setting the duffle bag he was carrying on the chair that Oliver had vacated some hours before.

“What’s in the bag?” Felicity asked.

“Toiletries, a couple changes of clothes, and your tablet and a book in case you need  some entertainment,” Diggle replied, with a tone of voice like he was reciting a list.

“Speaking of entertainment, would you mind changing the channel on the TV for me?” Felicity asked. “The nurse put the remote across the room, and I’ve had about as much cheesy daytime television as I can take.” Diggle nodded, retrieved the remote, and flipped through channels for a bit before settling on BBC America, which was marathoning old episodes of  _ Star Trek: The Next Generation _ . They watched in silence for a while before Felicity asked “Oliver’s not really held up at work, is he?” Diggle studied her face for a long time before he answered, “No. He’s not.”

“Then why isn’t he here?” Felicity asked. “I-” She stopped herself before she said “I need him here.”

“I don’t know, Felicity,” Diggle said. He didn’t take his eyes off her face. There was sympathy in them, as if somehow he knew what she’d stopped herself from saying. “I think...I think he’s just spooked. He’s never felt the way he does about you about anyone else, and then he almost lost you...I think it scared him, maybe more than he wants to admit. He’s just in his own head right now. Any day now he’ll come to his senses, and then he’ll be by to see you.”

“I hope so,” Felicity replied, allowing her eyes to drift closed. “I miss him.”

“I know you do,” Diggle said softly. For a while, the only sound was the TV.

“How did you and Oliver meet, anyway?” Felicity asked, her curiosity  about it gnawing at her.

“I’ve been stateside for a few years now, but I used to be in the army,” Diggle said. “My unit operated out of Kandahar. We’d been there for a couple years when Oliver was sent there on assignment. We bonded over a game of poker one night, and the rest is history.”

“That must have been shortly before he disappeared,” Felicity said softly. Diggle nodded. 

“It was,” he confirmed. “We mounted a search party for him when it happened, but whoever took him... they must have taken him into the mountains, knowing that the cave system there is so extensive that we could search for years and never find him or them.”

“What happened to Oliver wasn’t your fault, Diggle,” Felicity said, recognizing the tone of self blame in his words.

“I know,” Diggle replied, “but sometimes I wonder if everything that happened to him after he disappeared could have been avoided if we’d just looked  for him a little harder.” Felicity didn’t respond to that, and they fell into silence again.

“I should get going,” Diggle said after a time, moving toward the door. “Oliver’ll be by to see you soon. I’ll make sure of it. I’ll drag him here if I have to.” Felicity nodded.

“Thank you,” she said, but Diggle was already gone.


	30. Chapter 30

Oliver fidgeted nervously at his desk, trying to work despite the guilt that gnawed at him like a dog with an old dry bone. He’d been calling the hospital every day to get updates on Felicity’s condition- she hadn’t needed anything more extensive than a cast on her broken arm, her ribs were healing up nicely, and while they wanted to keep her under observation for a few more days, she’d be able to go home soon- but he hadn’t been to see her since that first time after hearing about her accident. It ate away at him, mostly because- especially because- he didn’t have a good reason for it. He couldn’t justify it, to himself or anyone else. However his absence was making Felicity feel, he didn’t imagine it was anything good. That was a sobering thought- he’d never intended to hurt her or to make her think that he didn’t care. As if response to his thoughts, his phone lit up with a text from Dig-  _ Go see Felicity. _ Less than a second later, another text followed on the heels of the first-  _ NOW. _

That was the motivation that Oliver had needed. He took a moment to straighten up his desk the way he always did before he left for the day, then gathered up his belongings, sent a text message to Thea telling her where he would be, and headed out.

The door to Felicity’s room was closed when Oliver arrived. He knocked lightly and waited for an answer. When he got none, he eased it carefully open, thinking that if Felicity was asleep he could at least sit with her for a few hours. When he entered the room, however, he found Felicity sitting up in bed, tapping studiously away at her tablet, propping it up against her knees to compensate for the fact that she only had use of one of her hands, what with her broken arm being in a cast. Idly, Oliver wondered if she was working on the app she’d been developing for Iris, or if she’d already finished that and simply hadn’t felt the need to mention it. He rapped on the doorframe to get her attention. She glanced up from her work and smiled when she caught sight of him.

“Hey,” she said, straightening out her legs and letting her tablet fall flat against her blanket. “It’s about time you showed up.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t been here,” Oliver replied, taking a seat in the chair at her bedside. “I just…” He trailed off, remembering that he didn’t actually have a good explanation for why he hadn’t come by.

“When you weren’t here, I started to think that maybe- well, it doesn’t matter, because you’re here now,” Felicity said with a weak smile.

“What did you think?” Oliver prompted gently.

“Just...that you’d decided you didn’t want to be with me anymore,” Felicity replied, her voice barely louder than a whisper. “That for some reason you’d come to the conclusion that it would be too hard.” The pain in her voice was deep and raw, the kind that came from the reopening of old wounds and the reawakening of old fears. The thought made Oliver wince. He hated that he’d hurt her by aggravating an old emotional wound that he hadn’t known she had.

“Felicity…” he said, trailing off for a moment when his words failed him. “There’s- there’s something I need to tell you.”

“What is it?” Felicity asked, studying his face as if for clues. “You know you can tell me anything.”

“I know,” Oliver said. He was silent for a long time. He almost changed his mind and told her something else, something tame and considerably less emotionally damaging for them both, but then he heard Thea’s voice in his head-  _ Tell her what happened. Be open and honest with her about  _ why  _ it happened, and promise her that it’ll never happen again. _

“When I left our date early,” he said at last. “There...there wasn’t really a work emergency. I made that up. The truth is, I- I bailed.”

“Why?” Felicity asked with a frown.

“Why?” she asked again, more sharply, when Oliver didn’t answer immediately.

“I realized that the worst thing I can do to you is drag you down to my level,” he made himself say. “Someone as good as you are deserves far better than me. I was so...afraid that I’d end up infecting you with my darkness, and I couldn’t allow that to happen. So I left. But it was stupid, and it was wrong, and I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, I promise.” Felicity made a whimpering sound, and Oliver realized that she was crying. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. That’s the last thing I want.” Felicity didn’t respond. She lay there crying in silence, tears slipping soundlessly down her cheeks. Oliver wanted to reach out to her, take her hand, touch her shoulder,  _ something _ , but he wasn’t sure if he should.

“Felicity-” he said.

“What do you want me to say?” Felicity asked suddenly, interrupting him. “That it’s okay? That I understand? Because I don’t. I don’t understand how you can be so convinced that you’ll hurt someone just by your very presence in their lives that you don’t realize that it hurts them more when you push them away.” Her voice dropping to a whisper, she added, “That it hurts  _ me _ more when you push  _ me _ away.”

“Felicity, I-” Oliver began.

“I love you, Oliver,” Felicity interjected. “And I want to be there for you. But I can’t do that if you won’t let me.” She didn’t speak again after that. Oliver remembered, suddenly, the demand that Thea had made of him when he’d first returned home- “You gotta let me in, Ollie. You gotta let  _ someone _ in.”

“I’m sorry,” he said with a sigh, wondering exactly how many times he was going to say that today. “I’m trying to let people in, but even after all this time, it’s still...harder than I expected, and I’m not sure why. I just don’t know why I still have such a hard time opening up to people.”

“Maybe you should figure that out,” Felicity mumbled. Her eyes drifted closed, and before long she’d fallen asleep. Oliver sat there in the silence punctuated by the steady rhythm of her breathing for a long time, wrestling with his annoyingly persistent inner demons. Eventually though, he forced himself to get going. As much as he wanted to stay and make up for lost time, the outside world and his other responsibilities still existed. He quietly left Felicity to her rest, promising himself that he’d come back tomorrow. 


	31. Chapter 31

Although Oliver’s confession had hurt, in more ways than one, for a while it did seem to improve things. Oliver came by to see Felicity the day after delivering it, and the day after that, and the day after that. She was pretty sure she saw more of him after it than she had before it, so for that she supposed she ought to be grateful. But all was not well, however- guilt shadowed Oliver’s eyes every time Felicity saw him, and through day after day, visit after visit, she swore she could  _ feel _ him compartmentalizing, putting his walls up, shutting parts of himself off from the world. Despite everything Felicity had done to try and keep him present, he was pulling away, and she dreaded what that meant for their relationship.

Finally, the day came when Doctor Schwartz pronounced Felicity healed up enough to be released from the hospital. Oliver met her outside her room, having declared in no uncertain terms that he wanted to be the one who took her home. The joy in his smile didn’t reach his eyes, and as they made their way toward the lobby of the building, Felicity could sense the end coming like a storm on the horizon.

They walked in silence for a long time, silence punctuated at regular intervals by the sound of Felicity’s high heels on the linoleum floor.

“We need to talk,” Oliver finally said, voice solemn.

“I don’t want to talk,” Felicity replied, “which I know for me is a little unprecedented”- they stopped in front of the elevator and she turned to face him- “but as soon as we talk it’s over.”

“I’m so sorry,” Oliver said, his voice a low rumble, like distant thunder. “I thought I could be me, and the man you need, but I can’t. Not now. Maybe not ever.”

“Then say  _ never _ ,” Felicity said forcefully. “Stop...dangling maybes. Say that it’s never going to work out between us. Say you never loved me. Say-”

“Felicity,” Oliver whispered, and kissed her, cutting off her words. She had fantasized about kissing Oliver a hundred times over since that first time in the linen closet at the Queen mansion-  far more than she cared to admit- but never once had she imagined that, when it happened again, it would be like this. She hadn’t imagined that Oliver would be holding her face between his hands, his touch firm but gentle, the calluses on his hands rough against her skin. She hadn’t imagined that he would be kissing her so fiercely, in a way that was a promise and a prayer and a goodbye all at once. 

They pulled apart, and the light that suddenly broke between them nearly blinded Felicity. For a brief instant they stood, inches apart, breath mingling, frozen in a moment of time.

“Don’t ask me to say that I don’t love you,” Oliver said, voice quiet, and the moment popped like a soap bubble.

“I told you that as soon as we talked,” Felicity said, grabbing Oliver’s wrists and pulling away from him, “it would be over.” She turned her back on Oliver as the elevator arrived, hoping he didn’t see her wiping away a tear as she did. As the elevator doors slid closed, Felicity caught a glimpse of Oliver standing stock still where she’d left him, holding his hands in the air where her face had been just a moment before, and knew that that image would be burned into her brain forever.

She dialed her phone as the elevator descended, praying that she was remembering the number correctly. She heard it ring three times, then a  _ click _ as the call connected.

“Dig?” she asked, surprised at how easily the nickname slipped off her tongue.

“Yeah,” he responded, a questioning note in his voice, unknowingly confirming for Felicity that she had in fact called the right number. 

“You said to call you if I ever needed anything,” she said.

“I did,” Dig confirmed. “So what is it?”

“Could you give me a ride home from the hospital?” Felicity asked. “Oliver was going to, but...something happened.” She hated the quaver in her voice when she said those words, hated the way they made tears spring to her eyes. 

“Of course,” Dig replied, the concern in his voice suggesting that he’d heard the distress in hers. “I’ll be right there.”

“Thank you,” Felicity said before hanging up the phone.

Dig was waiting for her when she reached the lobby. The moment he spotted her, his features folded into a look of concern that matched the tone of his voice when they’d spoken on the phone earlier.

“What happened?” he asked when she reached him.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she replied bluntly. “Can we please just go?”

“Of course,” Dig replied, and off they went.

Dig didn’t bring up the matter again until they’d reached Felicity’s apartment building. He parked at the curb and asked “Seriously Felicity, what happened? What did Oliver do?” His voice went taut with anger, as if he were planning on tearing Oliver a new one for whatever it was when next he saw him.

“He...decided that we can't be together,” Felicity replied with a sigh. “Unilaterally decided, I mean. He didn't give me any say in the matter.”

“Why would he do that?” Dig asked with a puzzled frown, shaking his head in bewilderment. 

“To tell you the truth, I don't really know,” Felicity replied, unable to stop sadness from creeping into her voice, “except that for some reason, despite my assurances to the contrary, he  _ still _ thinks he's bad for me. He thinks he can't be himself and the man I need.” There was a long pause, then she asked “Why can't he see that he  _ is  _ the man I need?” Dig sighed. 

“I don't know, Felicity,” he said. “I wish I did.” Felicity fixed her gaze on the floor beneath her feet so that he wouldn't see the tears welling up in her eyes.

“Thanks for the ride,” she said, fighting to keep her voice even. She used the distraction of grabbing her stuff and reaching for the door handle to surreptitiously brush her tears away.

“Of course,” Dig said. “Is there anything else you need? Anything else I can do for you right now?”

“Right now I just want to be alone,” Felicity replied, climbing out of the car. Dig nodded and drove off the moment she'd shut the passenger side door. She stood at the curb and watched his car disappear into the distance before she went inside.

She managed to hold it together until she actually reached her apartment. The moment she was inside, however, she felt the tears she'd been fighting back rush up all at once to overwhelm her. She dropped her things by the door, collapsed onto her couch, and wept for everything she had lost, everything that might have been but now would never be, her face buried in her hands.


	32. Chapter 32

Oliver hadn’t seen or spoken to Felicity in days. She was avoiding him, not that he could say that he blamed her. The most contact they’d had was a few occasions when he’d spotted her struggling to maneuver something with one arm in a cast and moved instinctively to help her. She’d spotted him, glared, and continued stubbornly on as if nothing were wrong.

Oliver went through his morning routine on autopilot, his mind still on the Felicity avoidance situation. He stepped onto the sidewalk outside Jitters and realized he was carrying two coffees- his usual, and Felicity’s.

“Damn it,” he muttered. He shifted his grip on the coffees and debated with himself about what he should do. After a few minutes, his decision made, he strode off toward QC, resolving to continue with his morning the way he usually would, give or take a few minor adjustments. He stopped by the IT department on his way up to his office and poke his head inside cautiously. Thankfully, it was empty. He entered, feeling strangely like he was trespassing, and set Felicity’s coffee on her desk. She didn’t have to know it was from him. Let her think it had been left by a secret admirer, or something. Maybe that would make it easier for her to heal from the damage he’d done to her and eventually move on. He sighed, tapped his fingertips idly against the top of Felicity’s desk, then left.

On his way out the door, Oliver bumped into someone who let out a small noise of surprise when they collided. His gut twisted. He recognized that sound.

“I believe you’re quite a few floors below your office, Mr. Queen,” Felicity said. Her tone was icy, but carried an undercurrent of pain, as if it hurt her to even see him. If the cool formality inherent in addressing him as “Mr. Queen” was intended as an extra barb, it landed- Oliver felt a sharp pinprick of pain strike him in the heart.

“I came by looking for you,” he said, gesturing toward the partially open door behind him. 

“I was in the server room,” Felicity said, biting the words out. “Not that it’s any business of yours.”

“Felicity, I’m-” Oliver started to say. Felicity cut him off with an upraised finger.

“Don’t,” she said, “tell me you’re sorry. It won’t change anything. You’ll just turn right back around and shut me out again.”

“Felicity-” Oliver tried again. She shook her head.

“It’s fine,” she said before Oliver’s sentence could be anything more than partially formed, though the wavering of her voice suggested that it was very much not fine. “I get close, you pull away. And that’s okay. I’ve accepted it. But do you know what I realized?”

“What?” Oliver dared ask.

“I deserve more than to sit around waiting for you to figure out your personal issues,” Felicity replied. “I deserve better than to keep letting myself get hurt. No matter how much I might want to be with you, there’s no point in longing for something that’s obviously never going to happen.” Oliver gaped at her, open mouthed. The things she’d just said to him were no less than what he’d already told himself, but she was the last person he’d expected to hear them from.

“You’re right,” he said. “All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy, and I know that you’re not ever going to have that with me.” Felicity frowned, as if disagreeing with his interpretation of her words. She opened her mouth, probably to protest.

“I hope your happiness lasts,” Oliver said before she could. “Wherever you find it.” He kissed her on the forehead by way of goodbye and went on his way, leaving her to her work and returning to his, which he had already delayed for far too long.

Making his way to his office with his mind on what had transpired outside the IT department, Oliver was aware that he probably hadn’t absolved himself in Felicity’s eyes. That was fine; he hadn’t intended to.

_ Then why did you try to apologize to her? _ a tiny voice whispered in the back of his mind.

“Because I needed her to know that I would never have done what I did if there had been any other choice,” Oliver said aloud, grateful that he was alone and there was no one around to hear him talking to himself.

_ There’s always a choice _ , the voice replied, and for just a moment it sounded like Felicity.

As Oliver entered his office at last, his phone chimed twice. He had two new text messages, both from Felicity-  _ Thanks for the coffee. You didn’t leave a note, but I  _ know _ it was from you. _

_ You’re welcome,  _ he replied.  _ To be honest, I kind of went through my routine on autopilot this morning and didn’t realized that I’d gotten your coffee too like I usually do until I’d already left Jitters. I didn’t think there was any point in letting it go to waste. _ Felicity’s response was a laughing face emoji, probably meant specifically as a response to the part about leaving Jitters with two coffees without realizing it. Oliver thought for a moment, then wrote,  _ Look, I know that I’ve ruined any chance of their being a romantic relationship between us, but we don’t have to cut each other out of our lives completely, do we? I haven’t seen you in days, and I miss you. You’re one of my best friends, and I don’t want to lose that.  _ He blew out a breath, realizing how emotionally fraught that message was only now that he’d seen it written down.

_ Of  _ course _ we don’t have to completely cut each other off, _ Felicity replied.  _ I wasn’t intending to  _ completely  _ cut you out of my life; I just needed a little bit of time away from you to...process. We can still be- still  _ are-  _ friends. Why did you think otherwise? _

_ I don’t know,  _ Oliver said, shrugging even though he knew that this wasn’t an in person conversation and Felicity couldn’t see him.  _ I guess I’m just a...what was the phrase you used? “Big dumb pine tree”? _

_ Yeah, that’s it, _ Felicity replied, and in his mind’s eye Oliver could see her laughing, her blue eyes glinting with humor. It was an enchanting image.  _ Big dumb pine tree.  _ This was accompanied by a picture of the type of conifer in question, which made Oliver laugh out loud.

_ Well,  _ he said.  _ I’m glad we got all that cleared up. _

_ Me too,  _ Felicity replied.


End file.
